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Leo Ebersole
Rahula Strohl
Jimmy Greenfield
Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
TOPIC 1: PITCHER JASON MARQUIS BEAT OUT JON LIEBER. DID LOU PINIELLA GIVE IN TO MARQUIS’ THREATS?
The only thing that scares Lou is the threat of his cable box forgetting to tape “Leave It To Beaver.”
No, he just doesn’t like guys whose names mean “lover.”
I’m sure Lou was quivering over the threats from wee little Jason Marquis.
Lou was afraid he’d be accused of patronizing a Jon.
If the “threat” is paying him
$16 million to be a middle
reliever, then the answer’s yes.
TOPIC 2: THE SOX’S HAROLD BAINES WILL GET A STATUE. WHO ELSE SHOULD GET ONE?
Ex-Bull Eddy Curry, if only to capture the way he played defense.
Chico Carrasquel. If you don’t know, look him up.
Steve Stone. Played for both teams, announced for both teams. A Chicago baseball icon.
The Oscar for Best Score goes to … Courtney Lee of WKU. Best Makeup: Kirk Herbstreit.
A Lovie Smith statue would have to give livelier news conferences. Have to.
TOPIC 3: WHY IS BASEBALL STARTING THE SEASON IN JAPAN?
So that any fights or bench-clearing brawls might finally have some production value.
So more teams can boycott games until their coaches get paid.
Selig lost a sumo wrestling match with the Japanese commissioner.
How will ushers wrestle with male fans wearing thongs instead of just ladies?
MLB has tripled its TV revenue in Japan since ’01, and Bud Selig can’t get by on looks alone.
TOPIC 4: A SPORTSCASTER RE-ENACTED DUKE-BELMONT HIGHLIGHTS … USING HIS DAUGHTER’S DOLLS. COMMENTS?
Ridiculous. Coach K would never wear that color gown.
Coach K and Ken have anatomical similarities, if you know what I mean.
Right. His “daughter’s” dolls.
I hope he used Strawberry Just-short cake for Belmont and for Duke: Bratz.
Even the Duke dolls would be more deserving of that No. 2 seed than Duke.
TOPIC 5: COLO. LACROSSE GAMES — WITH HOT TUBS AND BIKINI BABES — OUTDRAW THE NUGGETS AND AVS. thougTS?
Rahula’s annual physical outdraws the Nuggets and Avs.
My baby sister’s lacrosse team beat Colorado College. She wasn’t in a bikini, but she’s still awesome.
That’s factually incorrect. I’d bet my bourbon and hookers on it.
Go where the action is. But beware, I hear lacrosse players wear little protection.
It’s marketing genius, as long as none of the male customers lacrosses the line.
