Baseball’s 2008 regular season starts Monday for Chicago’s two teams. And since anybody with a blog seems willing to offer crazy predictions — like the Cubs winning the World Series and the White Sox’s Juan Uribe becoming a legitimate starting second baseman — RedEye thought we’d make a few highly improbable prognostications of our own.
Prediction No. 1
In a stunning move, the State of Illinois buys Wrigley Field AND the Cubs. After G-Rod takes over as general manager, payroll is slashed, team operations grind to a halt, and manager Lou Piniella receives a waiver for free CTA rides months before his 65th birthday.
Prediction No.2
As the White Sox’s fortunes turn on a series of winning and losing streaks, manager Ozzie Guillen (above) makes alternating vows to: demand a contract extension, resign, serve as manager for life, request his own firing, announce that he’s buying the team, seek his own banishment from baseball and declare that he’s running for president.
Prediction No. 3
In a sequel to last year’s “Wake Up the Rivalry” McDonald’s commercial, White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski and Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano take their craziness to a dangerous new level: eating the McSkillet burrito.
Prediction No. 4
On the “L” en route to a Cubs-Sox game, Piniella bumps into White Sox pitcher Jose Contreras, also enjoying the free rides for seniors.
Prediction No. 5
On a chilly October night at Wrigley, Kerry Wood delivers the final pitch to save Game 7 of the Cubs’ first World Series title in a century, after which his bionic right arm flies off into the new auction-only seats along the third-base line. The arm sells on eBay for $1,908.
