It’s the Elite Eight in the NCAA Tournament, which means our panelists are in elite company. Ugh. See if you can do better at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: THE NCAA TOURNEY IS DOWN TO THE ELITE EIGHT. WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT?
Leo Ebersole: The Octagon. PUT ‘EM IN A CHOKE HOLD!
Brian Moore: Two teams with a chance to win it all and six just happy to be there.
Tracy Swartz: Leaving the stage of consent.
Phillip Thompson: The Fab Four plus the Filthy Four. At least in my bracket.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Elite Five Teams I Have Left In My Bracket.
TOPIC 2: IF MY LIFE RESEMBLED MY NCAA BRACKET, I’D …
Leo Ebersole: … be on an autopsy table right now.
Brian Moore: … be homeless, broke, depressed and wondering why I chose Duke.
Tracy Swartz: … be a bust and I’d find a way to rack up my score.
Phillip Thompson: … have no more reason to live than Andy Dick.
Jimmy Greenfield: … be worthless.
TOPIC 3: THE CUBS AND WHITE SOX OPEN THE SEASON MONDAY. WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING?
Leo Ebersole: Two steals apiece from Orlando Cabrera and Ryan Theriot, not my fantasy hopes or anything.
Brian Moore: Total and utter domination — by both of their opponents.
Tracy Swartz: I doubt I’ll intentionally walk to a Cubs game.
Phillip Thompson: The number of Japanese cameras on Fukudome will be amazing, especially from a giant robot.
Jimmy Greenfield: Snow
TOPIC 4: MAKE A PREDICTION ABOUT CHICAGO BASEBALL FOR THIS SEASON.
Leo Ebersole: The White Sox will finish second in the division. And lose out on the Wild Card to Boston.
Brian Moore: WGN is fined by the FCC after Ron Santo mispronounces Kosuke Fukudome.
Tracy Swartz: A vodka bottle will replace Alex Cintron. The vodka will be smoother.
Phillip Thompson: We’ll hear about the 100 years of Cubs futility at least 100 times … a day.
Jimmy Greenfield: One Chicago team will make the playoffs, and the White Sox will not.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S BETTER: THE END OF THE HOCKEY SEASON OR THE BEGINNING OF BASEBALL?
Leo Ebersole: The beginning of baseball is like “Wild Things”: me, the remote and the nachos in a menage a trois.
Brian Moore: I’d say baseball, but it’s always six months of pain after it starts.
Tracy Swartz: B-ball. Finally a Kiss-cam without Gene Simmons’ family jewels.
Phillip Thompson: End of hockey season. Leave the “slapshots” to Carlos Zambrano.
Jimmy Greenfield: Beginning of baseball. And no hockey cracks, Mr. Question Guy. I’ve got my eye on you.
