1. Kid stuff
Sarah Jessica Parker says her 5-year-old son endorses Barack Obama for president. Hillary Clinton vowed an emergency response in an upcoming sit-down on “Blue’s Clues.”
2. Rejoice!
Yes, baseball returns to the city Monday and brings with it the familiar sights and smells of the season — popcorn, hot dogs and urine on the ramps leading to the upper concourse.
3. Dire straits
Q. What’s the difference between “10,000 B.C.” and a Cubs pitcher?
A. It’ll cost you a lot more to see the Cubs pitcher crush your soul.
4. Splatter fest
Orlando Bloom gets slimed. He hasn’t seen a mess like this since “Kingdom of Heaven.”
5. Domino effect
A rumor that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married over the weekend is being shot down. By extension, the rumor that Jennifer Aniston is devastated is false. And the rumor that George Clooney caught the bouquet — also false.
6. Getting lazy
Horror movie based on watching a video tape: Check. Horror movie based on taking a picture: Check. Horror movie based on doing the crossword online: … Just waiting for Alyssa Milano to be free.
7. Definitely dicey
The bringing-down-Vegas flick “21” is the No. 1 movie in America, proof that, deep down, most of us have a gambling addiction that probably should be addressed in a group meeting.
8. Show’s over
“America’s Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan won “Celebrity Apprentice.” Don’t you miss the days when people became C-listers after winning the show? Where have all the Bill Rancics gone?
9. Yikes
Sad news on the business front: Aloha Airlines will fold up shop after Monday. And with it goes the cleanest way to get lei’d at an airport.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
