From a carnivore’s perspective, “settling” for faux meat when you could order the real deal just seems silly — for starters, the meat-free stuff often is thought to be less than tasty. We decided to put that rumor to the test by eating our way through some meat alternatives with deceptively meaty names to see how they fared against their namesakes.
Fake chili dogs at Veggie Bite
3031 W. 111TH ST. 773-239-4367
We hiked to this Mt. Greenwood spot for the chili cheese dog, a top-seller at this quick-serve specializing in vegan spins on fast food. (Good news for North Siders: The folks behind the Mt. Greenwood spot are on the verge of opening a Wicker Park outpost at 1300 N. Milwaukee Ave. 773-772-2483.) The seasoned tofu-seitan dog comes on an organic whole-wheat bun topped with ground seitan-red bean chili and Golden Sauce, VB’s version of vegan cheese ($3.49).
Fool factor: The chili dog resembled the real deal. The dog had a nice “snap” and tasted a little sweeter than the average wiener. The chili had nice chew, and the Golden Sauce passed muster.
Fake meatball subat Veggies To Go
1375 E. 53RD ST. 773-667-8344
This Hyde Park eatery, which touts itself as “the tasty alternative sub shop,” serves up everything from a gyro to a BLT, all sans meat. We tried the Exotic Meatballs, an all-vegan sammie with tofu meatballs slathered in marinara with provolone cheese (all house-made) available on an Italian sub roll, multi-grain or whole wheat bread ($4.99).
Fool factor: It didn’t taste like it was from Little Italy — we were craving just a little bit of grease — but the sub’s texture and flavors were pretty damn close to the real thing.
Fake bacon at Balanced Kitchen
6263 N. MCCORMICK RD. 773-463-1085
This off-the-beaten-path North Park spot specializes in food that’s vegan and gluten-free, a hard-to-find combo in Chicago. The menu changes frequently, so we went with one of the mainstays: a tempeh bacon sandwich. The bacon, prepped with alderwood-smoked sea salt, maple syrup, soy sauce and rice vinegar, is tucked between two slices of nicely textured bread (from Rose’s Wheat-Free Bakery in Evanston) with ranch dressing, organic red clover sprouts and sauteed tofu ($6.50).
Fool factor: It didn’t meet our bacon expectations — there was none of that nice fatty texture, not to mention a lack of sizzle. But vegan or otherwise, this was one tasty sandwich.
Fake sausage gravy at Handlebar
2311 W. NORTH AVE. 773-384-9546
When we saw our vegan biscuits and gravy, which is a lunch/brunch best-seller at this Wicker Park spot, we had to look twice — where were the usually stark white biscuits? Well, here they’re prepped with whole wheat and white flour, so the brown biscuits were camouflaged in the brown gravy. The chunky gravy is spiked with soy sauce, pepper, onion, garlic, nutritional yeast and crumbled seitan sausage. Although darker than most diner versions, it looked pretty authentic ($6.75, add two eggs or tofu for $2).
Fool factor: It wasn’t quite sausage splendor, but the biscuits were tasty, and the gravy had a nice meaty-ish chew with great flavor — and like everything here, the portion was generous.
Fake chicken wings at Chicago Diner
3411 N. HALSTED ST. 773-935-6696
This venerable Boystown eatery, which turns 25 on Wednesday (“meat-free since ’83”), is known for its seitan preps, so we ordered the BBQ Wingz, one of the most popular apps. The aroma was spot-on — it smelled just like ‘cue — and the Wingz were appropriately paired with vegan ranch dressing, celery sticks and carrot slices ($6.95).
Fool factor: These Wingz won’t fly as real poultry: Despite the aroma, the seasoned seitan is formed into strips — Chicago Diner doesn’t even want it to look like an animal product. But the deep-colored molasses and red wine-infused sauce smelled and tasted great.
