RedEye’s Five On Five panelists love it when you send them fan mail. Especially Phil. Or sign up for the fun at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: WHO WILL WIN THE FINAL FOUR?
Tracy Swartz: Not SwartzCenter. My brackets are on life support: Final IV.
Jimmy Greenfield: Kansas, of course. But my backup school is Memphis.
Leo Ebersole: North Carolina will seal the deal like Phil at a “Gossip Girl” convention.
Phillip Thompson: I’m going with North Carolina over the Human Torch.
Supriya Doshi: Well, I don’t like Kansas or UNC … so one of the other two.
TOPIC 2: WHERE WILL CINDERELLA WATCH THE FINAL FOUR?
Tracy Swartz: With the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: MSU, Duke, UConn, Georgetown.
Jimmy Greenfield: With Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins
Leo Ebersole: She will have lost interest when she finds “Family Guy” in Prince Charming’s DVD collection.
Phillip Thompson: From a rehab facility.
Supriya Doshi: From her castle in Never Never Land.
TOPIC 3: WHEN WILL PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT STEVE BARTMAN?
Tracy Swartz: Three weeks after reality band tryouts. Sadly, the Bartman is second to the Sprinkler.
Jimmy Greenfield: Just as soon as humans obtain the ability to go back in time and change the past.
Leo Ebersole: When the last Walkman is blown up in a ceremony at Harry Caray’s.
Phillip Thompson: When he finally admits that he did take spheroids. See, um, a baseball is a sphere …
Supriya Doshi: When he goes back in time and keeps his hands to himself.
TOPIC 4: IF YOU WERE A MASCOT, WHAT WOULD YOUR NAME BE?
Tracy Swartz: Hot Cross Puns. My accessory would be the trombone.
Jimmy Greenfield: The Green Monster
Leo Ebersole: Blurpie.
Phillip Thompson: McCracken!
Supriya Doshi: The Green Bean. And I’m organic too!
TOPIC 5: WRITE A BRIEF EULOGY FOR THE 2007-08 BLACKHAWKS.
Tracy Swartz: “Blackhawks”: Another word I’m not allowed to rhyme. That, and “pucks.”
Jimmy Greenfield: Kane is able, Toews can amaze, I’m certain the Hawks will see better days.
Leo Ebersole: There’s some promise for next season. Until then, quit distracting us from baseball.
Phillip Thompson: The epitaph will read: “Don’t Toews me, bro.” See, um, it’s pronounced “taze” …
Supriya Doshi: You came, you played, you lost. Oh, shoot, I was saving that for the Sox.
