This is no Kentucky Derby, but we have a lot of panelists jockeying for position. We said “jockeying” for position. OK, let’s see what you come up with. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Adam Caldarelli
Tracy Swartz
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
TOPIC 1: THE KENTUCKY DERBY FIELD IS OUT. EXPLAIN THE MEANING BEHIND YOUR FAVORITE HORSE’S NAME.
Gayego actually is named after Adam. But he spells it using two words.
Gayego. No reason.
Cowboy Cal. The jockey will brave a horse, ride a Cowboy.
Denis of Cork. I believe he was sired by Sammy of Cork.
“Court Vision” was named for a pair of glasses Roger Clemens wears to pretend he’s invisible.
TOPIC 2: HOW WILL WE KNOW IF KOSUKE FUKUDOME IS VICTIM TO THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED COVER JINX?
He’ll stay with the Cubs his entire career.
If the Cubs actually win the World Series this season.
If he starts to come out of left field.
If we discover his name translates to “Mark Prior.”
It’s tough to separate the SI jinx from the Goat. I guess we’ll know if there’s a bikini involved.
TOPIC 3: RED SOX NATION HAS SEXYSOXGIRLS.COM FOR THE WORLD’S ‘SEXIEST SPORTS FANS.’ THE WHITE SOX RESPONSE?
Girlsgonewildsoxfans.com
Darkroots-toomucheyemakeup.com/marlboromentholonthefandeck
Green with envy, the Sox develop “Hurls Gone Wild.” Look at the size of those churros!
Bigbuehrlegirls.com
Sexywalrusmustaches.com
TOPIC 4: WHY WAS THE WIZARDS’ DESHAWN STEVENSON WEARING A MICHAEL VICK JERSEY BEFORE GAME 5?
It’s a dream of his to reach the pinnacle of his profession and then throw it all away.
Because he’ll get the LeBron equivalent of getting hosed down and hit with a cattle prod.
As a guard, DeShawn got too close to the inmate.
Better to have people think you’re an idiot than to wear a jersey and remove all doubt.
Because that’s how he motivates himself. Personally, I prefer the “Rocky 4” soundtrack.
TOPIC 5: REDSKINS CHEERLEADERS WERE TOO SEXY FOR INDIA’S CRICKET FANS. YOUR THOUGHTS?
I thought cows were beloved in India?
Must be the sticky wickets. Howzat?
Right Said Fred Smoot also told them they’re too sexy for the catwalk and class.
This is proof that India has sacred Cowboys.
It’s a cultural thing. The world’s cricket fans are pretty much all asexual.
