Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in on Wednesdays. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Mike North
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Tracy Swartz
Leo Ebersole
TOPIC 1: HELP BROKER A DEAL FOR THE CUBS AND/OR WRIGLEY FIELD.
Why would I do that? I’m a Sox fan.
I can knock $50 million off the price if you promise to dump Soriano by 2011.
Why didn’t we think of this before? Zell can finance it with his three wishes and his pot o’ gold.
Deal me out. Don’t go broker than the Cubs.
We give up Wrigley, we get back Park Place and three Railroads. Done and done.
TOPIC 2: LEBRON JAMES YELLED AT HIS MOM ON THE COURT. HOW WILL SHE RESPOND?
She’ll bring him a juice box and some Twizzlers.
She’ll go boating with him in Texas and then watch him get pepper-sprayed.
She’s going to give him a Most Vicious Paddling.
By exploding. I hear she was a stay-at-home bomb.
“I’m cutting your allowance to $2.3 million a week, young man!”
TOPIC 3: HOW WAS JERRY REINSDORF ‘MISLED’ BY MIKE D’ANTONI?
D’Antoni asked for $2 million more than Jerry wanted to spend. To Jerry, that’s misleading.
D’Antoni promised to genuflect and instead gave Reinsdorf the finger.
He thought he was wooing Mark D’Antony. C’mon, that joke deserves a Cleo award.
D’Antoni did the rude-mentary math and Knicksed the Bulls.
Reinsdorf was led to believe he’d get D’Antoni to give in to his demands by fouling Shaq.
TOPIC 4: TERRELL OWENS WILL APPEAR IN A SITCOM WITH FLAVOR FLAV. COMMENTS?
Yeah, he’d better not be late. Flavor’s got a BIG clock.
I never thought I’d say this, but can we please blow up all the TVs?
Can’t believe I’m saying this, but this could drag down Flavor Flav’s reputation.
Name it the “Flavor of Shove.” Flavor: Spit.
How much can I wager on Flav nicknaming T.O. “Big Baby”?
TOPIC 5: WHICH ATHLETE IS EMBARRASSING HIMSELF OR HERSELF?
Have you ever watched over-50 softball?
Yeah, I love rhetorical questions.
Emmitt Smith in those corny “Just For Men” ads: “That beard is weird!” Oh, Emmitt.
Cedric Benson has shown us his bum side. Em-Bear-assing.
Bill Belichick — technically not an athlete but technically a liar.
