NBA playoffs or auto racing — either way, our panelists are clueless. Think you can do better? Give us your best lines at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
TOPIC 1: HOW DO YOU SURVIVE A SEVEN-GAME HOMESTAND AT WRIGLEY FIELD?
Phillip Thompson: That’s a lot of Old Style in a short span of time. Maybe you should wear a diaper.
Jimmy Greenfield: Buy an HDTV and stay home.
Tracy Swartz: Like God, I’m going to wait it out until the 7th day. Let’s pray for Fab-bath.
Scott Kleinberg: You go on vacation so you don’t have to watch the outcome.
Leo Ebersole: Lure Cubs fan with Fukudome T-shirt. 2. Steal ATM card (no cash). 3. Try PIN “1908.”
TOPIC 2: WHOM ARE YOU ROOTING FOR TO MAKE THE NBA FINALS?
Phillip Thompson: Lakers-Celtics, so they can bring back Bird and Magic. And the camera loves Larry Bird.
Jimmy Greenfield: Eva Longoria.
Tracy Swartz: Celtics. Let’s all root for Catholic teams when we don’t have ties to them.
Scott Kleinberg: Well, the Bulls, but since that’s not happening, I’ll choose Detroit.
Leo Ebersole: ABSAAD: Anybody but San Antonio and Detroit.
TOPIC 3: THIS WEEKEND IS BUMP DAY FOR THE INDY 500. WHOM WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE BUMPED?
Phillip Thompson: I’m not sure what that means, but I’m going to go with “Gabrielle Union.”
Jimmy Greenfield: Eva Longoria.
Tracy Swartz: Bag Boy should bump Phil off the panel because he’s more in the groove.
Scott Kleinberg: Phil. We need some good answers here for a change.
Leo Ebersole: San Antonio’s Manu Ginobili, if only to watch the triple-backflop he does to get a foul call.
TOPIC 4: WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR ALL-STAR RACE?
Phillip Thompson: Develop a signature move like climbing fences, backflips or ramming your rival into concrete.
Jimmy Greenfield: The best way? Bribery.
Tracy Swartz: Have mullet, some teeth, will play for PBR.
Scott Kleinberg: Drive fast. That’s the best advice I can give.
Leo Ebersole: Threaten to make the race officials sit through an opera.
TOPIC 5: THE WNBA REGULAR SEASON BEGINS SATURDAY. HOW WILL YOU CELEBRATE?
Phillip Thompson: By reprogamming Jimmy’s cable to the All WNBA All The Time Network.
Jimmy Greenfield: I’ll put on my Minnesota Lynx sports bra and go to the mall for an Orange Julius.
Tracy Swartz: Have mullet, some teeth, will play for PBR.
Scott Kleinberg: By watching anything but the WNBA.
Leo Ebersole: By again petitioning the league to scrimmage their All-Stars against the New York Knicks.
