Hi kids, Tab Tanner here with a few random thoughts.
Thought 1: Who is responsible for those Internet ads where you have to shoot the bank robber before he runs away? Because I am in love with those ads.
Thought 2: Yep, that’s pretty much what’s been on my mind lately. … No, wait, there was something else. Oh, yeah, what’s with all these bizarre-o celeb couples I keep reading about in the doctor’s office where I steal my magazines?
(Oh, relax. They’re doctors! They can afford more than one subscription to Star magazine. And, not that you heard this from me, but maybe a current issue of GQ? Something from the past three months? How is Tab Tanner supposed to know which linen pants to buy for summer?)
Anyways, we’re smack dab in the middle of a star-studded hookup-athon. Just now I’m reading on someone else’s laptop at the coffee shop that Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong spent a weekend together! What kind of — OOH, OOH, THE AD IS BACK! ROBBER ON THE LOOSE! WHERE’S THE MOUSE ON THIS THING?
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong
Background: People magazine’s “Most Beautiful People” cover girl was spotted in Austin, Texas, dining with the champion cyclist and a group of family and friends.
Tab’s take: Whoa, stop the presses! Is Kate on the Tour de Lance, or is she just gunning to play Sheryl Crow in the movie? Either way, I’m g-g-g-giddy.
Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer
Background: The actress and rocker, both known for their famous exes, struck up a budding romance in Miami.
Tab’s take: From Brad Pitt to Vince Vaughn to John Mater, er, Mayer. Don’t get me wrong. I am firmly pro-rock star. But my question to the lovely Ms. Aniston is this: Where’s the glamor? Where’s the obscenely rich Italian playboy who speaks four languages and races Ferraris for fun? (And who maybe could use a good talent agent in the greater L.A. area, if you would be so kind as to pass along my business card.) Point being, she needs a pretty boy in her life. Or a prettier boy, I guess.
Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo
Background: Breakup rumors hounded the couple a week ago, but then Romo reportedly attended Jessica’s sister Ashlee’s wedding. But now there are rumblings on Us Weekly’s Web site that Jessica took off for a vacation in Mexico sans Romo.
Tab’s take: Oh, the DRAMA. Athletes and singers go together like sake bombs and running a 5K. I just hope the millionaire star quarterback and the gorgeous movie star-singer patch things up. I mean, what else do they have going for themselves right now?
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REDEYEEDITOR@TRIBUNE.COM
