Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in on Wednesdays. Test your wit at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
Mike North
Jimmy Greenfield
Tracy Swartz
Leo Ebersole
Phillip Thompson
TOPIC 1: DEFINE THE WORD ‘LOTTERY’ FROM A BULLS FAN’S PERSPECTIVE.
Inside post player who can’t shoot.
It’s from the Yiddish, “Oy vey!”
N/A. Only winners talk about the lottery.
An early warning system that alerts the team to underwhelming power forwards.
Lottery (noun). The opportunity for an NBA team to take a big gamble and go for broke.
TOPIC 2: CHARLES BARKLEY PROMISED NO MORE GAMBLING. WHO ELSE SHOULD MAKE A VOW?
Millions of Americans.
The casinos where Barkley will be gambling at next week should vow to make him keep his word.
Tony Romo shouldn’t make a vow to Jessica Simpson. Some Cowboys and horses don’t mix.
Joba Chamberlain: Less fist-pumping, more jazz hands.
Alyssa Milano should swear off baseball players. She gives new meaning to “touch ’em all.”
TOPIC 3: THE FINALE’S OVER. HOW CAN JASON TAYLOR USE HIS ‘DANCING WITH THE STARS’ EXPERIENCE?
He wants to act! And I want to be a DE.
He can get a job teaching athletes how to embarrass themselves on national TV.
He’ll tango with Bill Parcells.
Now instead of shedding blockers he grabs their necks and pulls them in close for a tango.
He wants to act? Do movie parodies: “Mambo: First Blood,” “Rumba in the Bronx” …
TOPIC 4: NFL OWNERS OPTED OUT OF THEIR LABOR DEAL WITH PLAYERS. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR FANS?
A lot of rodeo riding and ice skating if there is a lockout.
The fans will shut up and do what they’re told to do, like always.
Labor pains. Fans should pray for better contractions next year.
It means that in the year 2011 the NFL is bringing Howie Mandel in to broker a new deal.
If there’s a work stoppage, fans will have to take over the nation’s child support payments.
TOPIC 5: WHY ARE THE SACRAMENTO KINGS’ OWNERS USING THE LOHANS TO PROMOTE THEIR TEAM?
They have to. Bibby, Peja, Webber — they’re all gone.
They’re trying to draw the coveted 18-34 skanky demo.
The Kings want a shot at fame so they don’t have to LiLo much longer.
Because only the Kings can appreciate how sloppy they are in public.
Because Ali Lohan singing on a rap track would only improve Ron Artest’s street cred.
