Soxman just picked up some Weed-B-Gon for Joakim Noah. He’s so considerate that way. Join us on Facebook at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
Soxman
Brian Moore
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
TOPIC 1: GIVE JOAKIM NOAH SOME ADVICE.
Claim it was for medical purposes — to treat the glaucoma that resulted in your .482 FG%.
Just say you didn’t inhale.
Actually, I recommend you call Soxman for advice. Two words: never convicted.
Stay positive. It’s always darkest before the dawn. The grass is always greener … uh, never mind.
No, I know from watching game tape it’s not the first time someone stopped him on a drive.
TOPIC 2: Write A POEM ABOUT WHITE SOX SLUGGER CARLOS QUENTIN.
The leader in homers is a hero to me / Carlos you’re an All Star and the AL MVP!
Carlos Quentin, don’t stop hittin’ / but I wouldn’t mind, the Cubs are mine.
Just when we thought Kenny Williams was a fool / he made the D-backs GM look like a tool.
More fly than Dye, more pop than Pierzynski / makes his homey Thome look like Tim Kazurinsky.
I appreciate that you’re going berserk-o / Please teach your technique to one Paul Konerko.
TOPIC 3: WHAT DID WE LEARN FROM SUNDAY’S INDY 500?
I thought this was only the fourth Indy movie.
After the hype, it’s still just cars going around in a circle.
Danica Patrick is the
Hillary Clinton of auto racing.
It’s not an indie film festival like
I … like Soxman thought.
First make sure you can hide behind security before you plow into Danica Patrick’s car.
TOPIC 4: A RED SOX FAN HAD HIS BABY BAPTIZED AT FENWAY PARK. COMMENTS?
TOPIC 4: A RED SOX FAN HAD HIS BABY BAPTIZED AT FENWAY PARK. COMMENTS?
I was baptized at Comiskey Park and look at how well I turned out.
Holy cow! It must have taken an eternity to fill the stadium with water.
I have no problem with it, but it did seem weird to pour beer on a baby’s head.
That’s progress. They never got Manny Ramirez to even take a bath.
Ah … dude … that was NOT holy water.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT GAFFE INVOLVING ALFONSO SORIANO?
No gaffe was bigger than
eight years and $136 million.
Hard to tell, but it’ll probably be from Brookfield. What? Oh, I thought you said “giraffe.”
He’ll lose his calf in the sun.
He’ll give Fukudome the ill-conceived nickname “Rev. Right Field.”
He’ll use the Bulls’ No. 1 pick to draft Jackie Moon.
