Mike North of “The Mike North Morning Show” on The Score (670-AM) sits in on Wednesdays. Test your wit at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
Leo Ebersole
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Tracy Swartz
Mike North
TOPIC 1: YANNICK NOAH WONDERS WHAT’S ‘ALL THAT FUSS’ OVER HIS SON’S ARREST. HELP HIM OUT.
No fuss at all. Now when he wants to argue with a coach, the coach can crack a “Half Baked” joke.
Forgive Yannick, he was high when he said that.
You may think we’re uptight here, but these ain’t the Amsterdam Bulls your son’s playing for …
I agree with Yannick. Everyone needs to stop getting their nose out of joint.
Shouldn’t he be here shooting basketballs every day? Joakim that is.
TOPIC 2: TENNIS PLAYER ASHLEY HARKLEROAD POSED FOR PLAYBOY. WHO SHOULD NEVER DO THAT AND WHY?
Jimmy Greenfield. No one wants to see him shipped off to a wildlife preserve.
Nearly all of the world’s 3 billion women. Because they’re not hot.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck. She’s probably against even seeing herself naked.
Seeing John Tait’s stomach centerfold would be offensive.
My mother — she’s 78 for God’s sake.
TOPIC 3: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A UFC FIGHTER IS PAST HIS PRIME?
When he encourages opponents to kick his groin to solve his “growing problem.”
Instead of Gatorade, he’s chugging prune juice.
If you’re Tito Ortiz, it’s when your head gets so enormous you look like a “South Park” character.
When he looks forward to getting put in a sleeper hold between 3 and 4:30 p.m.
When he is flat on his back, looking up at the lights.
TOPIC 4: HOW DO YOU HANDLE A SHOWBOATING OPPONENT?
You just kind of let him fade out and sign with the Cowboys.
Threaten to take away his lipstick and pantyhose.
Like some pitchers lately? Pitching mounds also resemble land mines, if you get my drift.
I’m guessing he should cruise a broad.
It depends. When Ali showboated — nothing. If it’s an MLB hitter — deck him.
TOPIC 5: KOBE BRYANT’S READY TO SUE OVER A RUMORED AFFAIR. WHAT’S VANESSA BRYANT READY TO DO?
Can you say trip to the Bahamas?
Run for president of the
U.S.
She’s ready to take a 2-by-4 to No. 24. Consensually, of course.
Get a consensual massage.
Price another ring.
