1. Definition, please
The national spelling bee starts this week — a great opportunity for the kids involved to shine before they spend four years of high school duct-taped inside a gym locker.
2. Exit strategy
Jessica Simpson’s new country song is getting good buzz. Still, she’s ready to throw on some lederhosen and switch to polka if things turn south.
3. Send help
“Just come on over / I need you now / I need you bad,” Simpson sings. It’s unclear if the lyrics are directed at a lover or a vocal coach.
4. Eureka
Suddenly it dawns on the Affleck brothers: “Hey, are we the PG-13 version of the Baldwin brothers?”
5. Prep time
Former “American Idol” finalist Sanjaya Malakar is to star in a new ad for Nationwide Insurance. Hair and makeup for the shoot is expected to take 3 1/2 months.
6. Awoooo
“Idol’s” David Cook says his music will make the hairs on your neck stand up. Sadly, creating a race of wolf-people wouldn’t even be the worst thing that show has done to America.
7. Stepping up
In the new issue of Us Weekly, Heidi Montag says she is ready to get married. And this time Spencer promises her a ring that didn’t come off a shower curtain.
8. Little help?
T.I. signed up for a new reality series that will show him performing community service. Not to question the justice system, but isn’t this what entourages are for?
9. Creepy
Some photo agencies are promising thousands of dollars for the first picture of Miley Cyrus kissing in public. That’s all for this edition of “Perverts Weekly.” Join us next week as we discuss Lindsay Lohan.
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LEBERSOLE@TRIBUNE.COM
