Man, I need a joint and a cognac.
Seriously, maybe just a cognac.
Joakim Noah, grow up. You’re walking around the Florida campus like a frat boy. Please note: You’re representing the Bulls and the NBA. Shape up. Now we know why you miss practices and are late for games and, generally speaking, a knucklehead.
And please tell your dad to stuff it. Yannick Noah can’t understand what the fuss is about?
What country are these people from? Oh yeah, France.
By the way, the NBA wants to go international. Good news: Prostitution is legal in most of Europe.
On to something weirder: The Cubs. I seriously have no idea what’s going on. There seems to be something bizarre known as “an urgency to win.” Never heard of it, but I am seeing:
1. Guys doing whatever it takes to win (that means bunting and stuff).
2. Good starting pitching.
3. Great defense.
Somebody wake me up. Or maybe I should lay off the pot and cognac. Best record in baseball. These are the Cubs? Right now, thanks to what I call “Chicago-style” balloting, they’ve got like eight all-stars. Cool.
By the way, I hear Sammy Sosa wants to play in the World Baseball Classic. Sorry, according to my stat book, this guy retired five years ago. Keep it that way.
Orlando Cabrera, grow up.
You’re calling the press box to get your stats changed? That is so 2004 Cubs. Wake up. We don’t do that. You’re lucky this team is in first place. That usually tears teams apart, silly. Smarten up. And thank you, Carlos Quentin. I still have no idea who you are, but you’re now my favorite. Also, no one else on the team is hitting a lick. Please continue to carry us through September, thanks.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
