How about capping off a beautiful weekend with sunshine and rainbows and unicorns? That’s right, Stick Figure’s back! Sign up at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives — because Stick would want you to.
Leo Ebersole
Jimmy Greenfield
Brian Moore
Phillip Thompson
Stick Figure
TOPIC 1: WHAT OTHER STATE HAS INFLUENCED CHICAGO SPORTS AND HOW?
The states of anguish and denial. A certain foul ball at Wrigley had something to do with that.
Mississippi. Thank you for Walter. We owe you from now until forever.
Usually, a state of confusion or depression.
The 2003 Marlins, the 2007 Super Bowl in Miami and Joakim Noah. Guess where.
State Farm, where they raise My Little Ponies.
TOPIC 2: IF SOMEONE TOLD YOU THE CUBS WOULD HAVE THE BEST RECORD IN BASEBALL BY JUNE …
… I would’ve asked that person to take a picture with my dear friend Puff the Magic Dragon.
… I’d have said, “Big hairy deal. Talk to me in late October.”
… I would have told Jimmy he’s a delusional fan who’s setting himself up for disappointment.
… I would’ve smacked that someone Stooges style.
… I would have said, “Bravo, Mrs. Cleaver!”
TOPIC 3: THE WHITE SOX LOST THREE STRAIGHT TO TAMPA BAY. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
It’s now clear that the “Devil” left Tampa to mess with the Sox’s bats.
A crappy weekend for a
first-place team.
Simple. It means that when the White Sox play some of the best teams in baseball, they lose.
I don’t know, it’s bedeviling. Wait, they don’t use that word anymore …
I’ve lost many socks too. Little secret: Mittens work in a pinch.
TOPIC 4: KIMBO SLICE IS TO MIXED MARTIAL ARTS WHAT …
… “Pork Chop” Womack is to awesome sports names.
… orange slices are to mixed drinks.
… home slice is to street slang.
… Kimbo Slice is to Mr. T impersonators.
… he and Bimbo Coles are to the League of Himbos! Everybody limbo!
TOPIC 5: WHAT DID REX GROSSMAN GAIN FROM MINI-CAMP?
He’s a better performer. Now he wears a cape when he fumbles a snap and makes it disappear.
Sorry, I just ate. I can’t answer this question right now.
Hopefully the mind of Peyton Manning, the arm of Brett Favre and the beard of Kyle Orton.
Mini-confidence.
He’s like a little marshmallow at a mini-campfire. And now … kumbaya …
