Five on Five welcomes back “That Guy,” who was gracious enough to interrupt his keg stand and take a new photo. Right on, brah! Won’t you join us too? Visit redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
TOPIC 1: THE BEARS KICK OFF THE PRESEASON THURSDAY AGAINST KANSAS CITY. WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING?
Phillip Thompson: Watching and waiting for Herm Edwards’ eyebrows to finally weave their cocoons.
Tracy Swartz: Seeing red (not just because of KC’s jerseys). I’m red-flagging you, Bears.
Leo Ebersole: Scratching myself, texting … basically everything the Bears’ starters will be doing.
Jimmy Greenfield: Thinking of other ways I can throw away $85 to watch a glorified practice.
‘That Guy’: Sculpting my biceps, looking irresistible.
TOPIC 2: WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME ‘FAVRE,’ WHAT’S THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES TO MIND?
Phillip Thompson: “Kanye”
Tracy Swartz: “Restrainingorder.” That’s how it’s spelled on my copy.
Leo Ebersole: “Extortionist”
Jimmy Greenfield: “Farve”
‘That Guy’: “Boobs”
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S ONE THING WE CAN EXPECT DURING NEXT WEEK’S OPENING CEREMONIES IN BEIJING?
Phillip Thompson: You don’t want to be watching when Kazakhstan walks by in banana hammocks.
Tracy Swartz: The Chinese government will block Kobe from the gymnasts in the name of sense-orship.
Leo Ebersole: A dramatic dance interpretation of “Thriller” by the world’s heavyweight Greco-Roman wrestlers
Jimmy Greenfield: Sweatpant fashion from around the globe
‘That Guy’: What kind of “ceremony” is it? Like a fraternity initiation? No more elephant walks.
TOPIC 4: ON THE ‘EVIL’ SCALE, THE NEW YORK YANKEES RANK …
Phillip Thompson: … 666th.
Tracy Swartz: Foul: Between spoiled and rotten.
Leo Ebersole: … between “kid who pulls bugs’ wings off” and Rachael Ray.
Jimmy Greenfield: … No. 4, after Osama Bin Laden, people who harm animals and Tracy Swartz.
‘That Guy’: … more evil than the Thetas at U. of I. and less evil than the Kappas at Wisconsin.
TOPIC 5: IT’S LOLLAPALOOZA WEEKEND. IF YOU HAD A BAND, WHAT WOULD YOU NAME IT?
Phillip Thompson: Sabado Gigante
Tracy Swartz: Extreme Swartz
Leo Ebersole: Mayo Daily
Jimmy Greenfield: Bourbon and Hookers
‘That Guy’: Dave Matthews Band
