Not to go all Sarah Palin on you, but the words “Cubs,” “Sox” and “Longoria” are still on the banned list.
TOPIC 1: It’s been nearly a week since the citywide baseball collapse. Feeling any better?
Tracy Swartz: No break-up remorse. Rich Harden, quit calling me. I don’t date losers.
Leo Ebersole: Well it was nice that everyone stopped talking about it, so thanks for picking at that scab.
Jimmy Greenfield: Well, I’ve repaired the dry wall and bought a new cat. So yes.
Phillip Thompson: Think flesh-eating virus — hopefully ina week it will feel that good.
That Guy: I feel great. Despair is such an underrated emotion.
TOPIC 2: Have a prediction for this year’s World Series?
Tracy Swartz: Too soon.
Leo Ebersole: My heart says Tampa Bay, but my gallbladder says Boston.
Jimmy Greenfield: Phillies over Rays in a sweep.
Phillip Thompson: Red Sox-Dodgers because we don’t get nearly enough news about Manny Ramirez.
That Guy: Yes. I’ll be watching “Gossip Girl.” Blair, I love you.
TOPIC 3: Why is there so much bad blood between Texas and Oklahoma?
Tracy Swartz: In-breeding.
Leo Ebersole: I think you mean “so much bad blood pressure.” Answer: sky-high obesity rates.
Jimmy Greenfield: The same reasons there’s bad blood between Tracy and Phil: They sit next to each other.
Phillip Thompson: It’s in their DNA … which, incidentally, they all share with each other.
That Guy: Have you been to Texas? They hate everybody.
TOPIC 4: What ingredient, to you, makes for a killer fall party?
Tracy Swartz: Molotov cocktails and whatever “That Guy” serves his dates from MySpace.
Leo Ebersole: Melamine-laced milk chocolate.
Jimmy Greenfield: Well, that’s hard. I’ll go with parsley, sage, rosemary or, perhaps, thyme.
Phillip Thompson: If I cared to know that, I’d ask Martha Stewart, who’d ask Leo.
That Guy: Slutty devils.
TOPIC 5: Which sports figure would you pick to moderate the final presidential debate and why?
Tracy Swartz: Bag Boy. It might inspire some audience members to wear bags on their heads too.
Leo Ebersole: Dennis Green. Instead of arguing about the winner why not just crown his ass?
Jimmy Greenfield: Bob Costas, because he’s damn smart. And I am absolutely semi-serious.
Phillip Thompson: Charlie Weis and Mark Cuban. You need one elephant and one jackass.
That Guy: Jason Kidd. McCain loves mavericks.
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tswartz@tribune.com
lebersole@tribune.com
jgreenfield@tribune.com
plthompson@tribune.com
redeyesports@tribune.com
