TOPIC 1
OK, Bears fans, how do you lose a game in six seconds?
PHILLIP THOMPSON: Premature celebration. There’s medication for that.
ELLIOTT SERRANO: Same way my neighbor’s patio deck got rain damage–forget to finish.
BRIAN MOORE: Easy. Use the “give them just enough yardage to hit the game-winning field-goal” defense.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: By making the stupidest strategic move since Fukudome hit 2nd in Game 1.
SOXMAN: The same way you lose for 101 years. Next question.
TOPIC 2
Are there any positives we can take from this Bears loss?
PHILLIP THOMPSON: Yes. Kyle Orton and Matt Forte would destroy the Bears defense.
ELLIOTT SERRANO: I’m no longer worried I won’t have enough vacation days for a Super Bowl trip.
BRIAN MOORE: It looked like the Bears found a QB who can throw a game-winning pass instead of a game-losing interception.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: I was positive they’d find a way to lose. At least my cousin Ralph was.
SOXMAN: Anything’s better than hearing Lovie say “Rex is our quarterback.”
TOPIC 3
How would you get Chicagoans interested in the baseball playoffs?
PHILLIP THOMPSON: Smother it with cheese.
ELLIOTT SERRANO: There are playoffs in baseball? I thought we just got to play three extra games each year.
BRIAN MOORE: Throw some ivy on the outfield walls and drunks in the stands and–voila!–it’s Wrigley Field!
JIMMY GREENFIELD: Give the Cubs a mulligan.
SOXMAN: Prolong the rivalry. Free Rays hats to Cubs fans and Dodgers hats to Sox fans.
TOPIC 4
The Hawks are 0-2. How will playing their home opener help them Monday?
PHILLIP THOMPSON: Between periods, Pat Foley stages the ill-conceived play, “La Cage Aux Foley.”
ELLIOTT SERRANO: It will help as much as it did the Cubs and Bears in their home openers–not much.
BRIAN MOORE: They can show the home fans they also are able to crush expectations, just like the Cubs, Sox, Bulls …
JIMMY GREENFIELD: John McDonough suits up for home games.
SOXMAN: Honor Bill Wertz by having a blackout promotion non-televised game.
TOPIC 5
What about the Chicago Marathon stood out to you?
PHILLIP THOMPSON: A guy in a Batman costume ran. The only thing Soxman ran was his weekly bath water.
ELLIOTT SERRANO: Enduring hours of punishment to stagger to the end and vomit? It’s like watching a Bears game.
BRIAN MOORE: Oh, so that’s why traffic was a mess downtown.
JIMMY GREENFIELD: I finished it in 26.2 beers.
SOXMAN: It was the longest championship “run” we’ve seen in Chicago in 3 years.
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PHILLIP THOMPSON, pthompson@tribune.com
ELLIOTT SERRANO, redeyesports@tribune.com
BRIAN MOORE, brmoore@tribune.com
JIMMY GREENFIELD, jgreenfield@tribune.com
SOXMAN, redeyesports@tribune.com
