It’s colder outside, but not as cold as the insides of our panelists’ shriveled hearts.
TOPIC 1: What can we expect on the sports scene now that it’s getting colder?
Sears Tower: Inappropriately scalding central heating.
Tracy Swartz: Shrunken expectations.
Jimmy Greenfield: When the Cubs choke, their fingers will get stuck to their neck.
Leo Ebersole: We can expect Terry Bradshaw’s brain to go back into hibernation.
That Guy: Looser jock straps.
TOPIC 2: Give the Bears the key to beating Minnesota on Sunday.
Sears Tower: Don’t run the Statue of Liberty. Just as tacky as the monument itself — my opinion.
Tracy Swartz: Lock it up. No, you lock it up. Lock. It. Up.
Jimmy Greenfield: Don’t. Squib. Kick. With. Eleven. Seconds. Left.
Leo Ebersole: 1. Equip your helmets with Viking horns. 2. Aim low on all tackles.
That Guy: End the man-crush on Berrian. He doesn’t love you anymore.
TOPIC 3: The Dallas Cowboys’ week has been …
Sears Tower: … crazier than insisting on building that Spire. (Gag.)
Tracy Swartz: … Romo erotic. No pinkie slip for Tony.
Jimmy Greenfield: … irrelevant to me.
Leo Ebersole: … more proof that they’re like the pukey drunk girl in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.”
That Guy: … better than John McCain’s.
TOPIC 4: How closely are you monitoring the baseball playoffs?
Sears Tower: Not as closely as I’m monitoring that sexy little addition to the Art Institute. Helloooo!
Tracy Swartz: I’m no Milhouse there. But I would spar with the Bulls on demerits.
Jimmy Greenfield: Put it this way: I don’t even know what channel the games are on now.
Leo Ebersole: I’m watching solely to see the Phillie Phanatic in action, I’m not gonna lie.
That Guy: So close it hurts. Feel the burn.
TOPIC 5: Tony Romo, Alex Rodriguez — should athletes ever get tangled up with pop stars?
Sears Tower: You want to find somebody who’s grounded. Preferably with steel lattice.
Tracy Swartz: What a tangled Web athletes weave, when first they practice to receive.
Jimmy Greenfield: Sure. It’s a great way to ensure another generation of shallow, talent-free dingbats.
Leo Ebersole: Never. One day you’re wearing Under Armor to work; the next, a Lycra catsuit.
That Guy: Only if it leads to more endorsements.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
tswartz@tribune.com
jgreenfield@tribune.com
lebersole@tribune.com
redeyesports@tribune.com
