RedEye welcomes back the Sears Tower, noted landmark and ham radio enthusiast.
TOPIC: 1. What will the world be able to accomplish with the Bears on a bye week?
Jimmy Greenfield: The world finally will get around to mowing its lawn.
Tracy Swartz: Now it’ll have to fall asleep to “Meet the Press.” Don’t be liberal in your booing.
Sears Tower: Come on up and visit the Skydeck! Really, I don’t mind the attention.
Leo Ebersole: Finding a cure for Devin Hester-related anxiety.
That Guy: Since when did I care about anything worldly?
TOPIC: 2. What will the Bears be able to accomplish?
Jimmy Greenfield: They’ll build a new hospital wing for all their injured players.
Tracy Swartz: Robbie Gould said he’s looking for a girl who’s not fake. In personality or chest?
Sears Tower: Sky. Deck. What man couldn’t use another souvenir mug in his life?
Leo Ebersole: Well, they finally can keep their defense from getting scored on.
That Guy: Growing thicker neckbeards.
TOPIC: 3. Any advice for Tampa fans headed to Philly to watch the World Series?
Jimmy Greenfield: Don’t go without health insurance.
Tracy Swartz: No. “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” reruns on Nick at Nite got them up to speed.
Sears Tower: Spit on Independence Hall for me. Can you say “tourist trap”?
Leo Ebersole: If you’re out of batteries, don’t worry: The locals will toss some your way.
That Guy: Get extra Cheez Whiz on your steak sandwich.
TOPIC: 4. What’s the biggest hurdle for college football’s top teams as they enter the stretch run?
Jimmy Greenfield: Stretching and running.
Tracy Swartz: Too many invites to pantsparties, except for NU grads, who only own sweat pants.
Sears Tower: Not rising to the occasion. Can’t say I’m familiar with that feeling.
Leo Ebersole: Texas and Alabama face a series of traps. Most involve thinking.
That Guy: Players continuing to pretend they’re students.
TOPIC: 5. Everyone’s getting suspended lately. How do you stay out of trouble?
Jimmy Greenfield: I eat right, get plenty of rest and take Geritol twice a day.
Tracy Swartz: Don’t get caught with That Guy. Everyone around him is susceptible.
Sears Tower: I stay away from bad influences, like that Aon Center. Creepy guy, really.
Leo Ebersole: Fortunately, my friends put on amazing interventions. The appetizers? To die for.
That Guy: I avoid strip clubs during peak hours.
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jgreenfield@tribune.com
tswartz@tribune.com
redeyesports@tribune.com
lebersole@tribune.com
redeyesports@tribune.com
