The Bears are back in town, Bears are back in to-ow-ow-own. Oh, don’t act like you don’t invent your own songs too.
TOPIC 1. Georgia-Florida is CBS’ marquee matchup. What’s your marquee matchup?
Leo Ebersole: Northwestern vs. mediocrity. Still keeping the faith on this one.
Sears Tower: Me vs. Trump Tower. Only one spire on top, huh? That’s adorable.
Brian Moore: Me vs. a bottle of Young’s Double Chocolate Stout. I always win.
Scott Bolohan: Taco Bell vs. my mouth. Although I’d be in serious trouble if I lost.
That Guy: Last call vs. consciousness
TOPIC 2. How will you react if the winless Lions beat the Bears?
Leo Ebersole: I will pull out Hairs 14-19.
Sears Tower: Hey, every elevator eventually hits the basement. … Don’t really know what that means.
Brian Moore: I’ll be as shocked as the time I saw That Guy sober at Barleycorn. Talk about scary.
Scott Bolohan: Probably with a similar sensation to what it’d be like living in Detroit.
That Guy: Spiritually. It must be part of God’s plan.
TOPIC 3. Is Luol Deng the key to the Bulls’ success, and why or why not?
Leo Ebersole: Yes. We have That Guy; they have to find a consistent scorer.
Sears Tower: What’s he, like, not even one story tall? Let’s be serious.
Brian Moore: You ask that as if it is possible for the Bulls to be a success.
Scott Bolohan: Unless he actually has the key to get into the UC, no.
That Guy: If success is measured by the length of your facial hair, and it surely is, then no.
TOPIC 4. The sports landscape without baseball is like …
Leo Ebersole: … me without cheese-stained clothing.
Sears Tower: … a skyline without Big S.T. That’s what they call me on the streets.
Brian Moore: … the baseball landscape without a recent Cubs collapse.
Scott Bolohan: … Mt. Rushmore’s landscape without Lincoln and Roosevelt. Less facial hair.
That Guy: … a party without “that guy,” or, umm, me, to ruin EVERYTHING.
TOPIC 5. If you were on “Oprah” like Marion Jones was, what would you apologize for?
Leo Ebersole: All right, fine, I’m sorry I told Steven Spielberg to consider another Indiana Jones movie.
Sears Tower: I’m sorry if they light my top orange for Halloween. We’re having some creative control issues.
Brian Moore: I’d wholeheartedly apologize for raising my son as a Cubs fan. Someone should call DCFS.
Scott Bolohan: Remember that really huge flood in ’92? My bad.
That Guy: Being on “Oprah.”
