Say hello again to Michael Hines, RedEye’s friendly neighborhood sports guru. Or is it Spider-Man? Whatever the case, Michael knows sports.
TOPIC 1. I watched so much football on Thanksgiving that …
Scott Kleinberg: … I tackled the turkey. And grandma’s arm is expected to heal by Christmas.
Jimmy Greenfield: … I finally got my money’s worth from my couch-toilet.
Michael Hines: … I almost forgot that Spring Training is less than three months away.
Tracy Swartz: … Tony Romo is now a corn, not a stud, muffin.
Supriya Doshi: … when the food came out, I yelled “touchdown!”
TOPIC 2. What would be different if the Blackhawks were in town?
Scott Kleinberg: More bird poop on the sidewalk.
Jimmy Greenfield: No more Zamboni joy rides down Lake Shore Drive.
Michael Hines: The hip check once again would be an acceptable way to resolve conflict.
Tracy Swartz: More security in the city and a lot of celebratory slaps.
Supriya Doshi: You can catch their stink if the wind is just right.
TOPIC 3. College football’s wrapping up. Which bowls are you excited about?
Scott Kleinberg: Chick-fil-A Bowl and Outback Bowl — Duh! Chicken and steak!
Jimmy Greenfield: The only one that isn’t a meaningless exhibition.
Michael Hines: The one where Ohio State enters as the favorite and then loses badly. Riveting!
Tracy Swartz: The Toilet Bowl. I hear FSU is headed there.
Supriya Doshi: Giant bowls of ice cream! That’s all that’s out there for us Illinois fans.
TOPIC 4. How will you work off your pumpkin pie hangover?
Scott Kleinberg: With equal amounts of stuffing.
Jimmy Greenfield: Lather myself in honey and take my pet bees for a long and painful jog.
Michael Hines: Pumpkin beer for breakfast should do the trick.
Tracy Swartz: Like the unpleasant physiological effects I get from the Bulls: more boos.
Supriya Doshi: Twelve miles by the lake. Wanna join me?
TOPIC 5. The Bears are facing the Vikings on Sunday. What’s Chicago’s secret weapon?
Scott Kleinberg: Obama. He’ll appoint a team of experts to help the Bears win.
Jimmy Greenfield: One word: stilts.
Michael Hines: Barack Obama is lending the Bears his strategists for the weekend.
Tracy Swartz: Axes. Wrigleyville has enough Axe Body Spray to take Vikings down.
Supriya Doshi: If the Bears had a secret weapon, I would hope they’d have brought it out sooner.
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skleinberg@tribune.com
jgreenfield@tribune.com
mhines@tribune.com
tswartz@tribune.com
sdoshi@tribune.com
