The panel already is in a sugar coma from all the cookies and pies and treats being passed around. At least that’s what they blame for these answers.
Topic 1: Which Chicago athletes are on the naughty list?
Jimmy Greenfield: Please let it be Jennie Finch, please let it be Jennie Finch, please let it be Jennie Finch …
Tracy Swartz: Kyle Orton, Lou Piniella, the entire Blackhawks team. Nottie, Nottie, Nottie.
Brian Moore: Ozzie Guillen and Lou Piniella. Their mouths alone take up two pages on the list.
Dr. Fantasy: Brian Urlacher for all of his baby mama drama. Bear Jordan: Who isn’t? 1
Topic 2: Got a holiday wish for any athlete/team?
Jimmy Greenfield: I wish the Cubs wouldn’t mess with my head like that.
Tracy Swartz: To believe in Lovie. Or to sit on Jo Noah’s lap. Whichever comes first.
Devin Hester, I hope you get your mojo back. This time, try not to lose it.
Dr. Fantasy: Brian Moore: May Fukudome discover a power stroke under his tree this Christmas.
Bear Jordan: A Christmas miracle for the Bears: A trip to the playoffs. 2 1 Topic 3: Who is the Scrooge in Chicago sports?
Jimmy Greenfield: If I’m doing my job right, I am. See answer for No. 5.
Tracy Swartz: You’d have to ask Jimmy which athletes have been pinching Penny the stripper.
Brian Moore: Brian Urlacher makes Scrooge look like Mary freakin’ Poppins.
Dr. Fantasy: Sam Zell, who seems like a combo of Scrooge, Donald Trump and Bobby Knight.
Bear Jordan: The Cubs. Forever and ever, man. 1
Topic 4: Who’s the MVP for the Bears?
Jimmy Greenfield: In a very close call, Matt Forte over Lance Briggs. Without Forte, the Bears are 4-11.
Tracy Swartz: Tom Colicchio. I bet the Bears wished he played man-toman.
Brian Moore: Orton. Just look at his record as a starter–if you can see through the neckbeard, that is.
Dr. Fantasy: Matt Forte or Lance Briggs. Flip a coin.
Bear Jordan: I’m going with Staley Da Bear. 4 3 1
Topic 5: Biggest surprise in basketball: Illinois 10-1 or Northwestern 7-2?
Jimmy Greenfield: Non-conference schedules mean bupkis. The records are neither surprising nor exciting.
Tracy Swartz: A Christmas miracle! It’s March already!
Brian Moore: I was surprised basketball had already started. Can’t they wait till after Bears season?
Dr. Fantasy: Neither. Ancient Chinese wisdom says: “Never trust one’s non-conference record.”
Bear Jordan: C’mon, the Bulls. Aren’t you paying attention? Hello, D-Rose!
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JIMMY GREENFIELD, jgreenfield@tribune.com
TRACY SWARTZ, tswartz@tribune.com
BRIAN MOORE, brmoore@tribune.com
DR. FANTASY, redeyesports@tribune.com
BEAR JORDAN, redeyesports@tribune.com
