Rorschach is not the kind of guy you want to piss off. The relentless vigilante of “Watchmen” has a knack for torture — and he doesn’t like sell-outs. Which makes you wonder what kind of punishment he’d inflict on the Warner Bros. execs who signed off on the hilarious parade of tie-ins for the film, which opens Friday. We size up the best and worst.
Absolute Watchmen
$74.99 at amazon.com
Unless you want the no-frills paperback, skip the $40 hardcover and splurge on this oversized baby. The art, digitally recolored by original comic book color artist John Higgins, looks great blown up. Bonus: 48 pages of sweet background material.
Who watches the Watchmen flask
$25 at wbshop.com
You might need to smuggle some hooch into the theater to help you stomach the amped-up violence. But don’t drink too much — the movie’s almost three hours long.
Watchmen: Portraits
$50 at amazon.com
This 240-page coffee-table tome showcases striking black-and-white portraits taken by photographer Clay Enos on the “Watchmen” set. You get a few shots of the featured players — a pre-CGI’d Billy Crudup and Jackie Earl Haley, in and out of his ink-blot mask — but the book focuses, intriguingly, on the extras and the technicians.
Rorschach ski mask
$15 at wbshop.com
Admit it: It’s so cheesy, you’re tempted. But since no one could see you smirking underneath, how would they know you’re wearing it with irony?
Nite Owl Dark Roast
$15.99 at organiccoffee.com
Set photographer Enos, who’s spent part of his career documenting coffee farmers, convinced Warner Bros to sign off on an organic, fair-trade “Watchmen” coffee (Peruvian whole bean). The majority of the profits will go back to the farmers, so indulging your inner fanboy never tasted so good.
Watchmen: The Complete Motion Comic
$35.99 at amazon.com
For the purists who’ll hate the film, this bizarre DVD blends audiobook with jankety animation into a new-media hybrid: Dave Gibbons’ original art comes to life while a voice actor reads Alan Moore’s original text. Be warned: It’ll consume 5 1/2 hours of your life.
