Face it
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Jen Patterson
Jimmy Greenfield
Tracy Swartz
Dr. Fantasy
Bear Jordan
The Bulls tip off their last regular-season game tonight. How will you remember their year?
A miracle season by Paxson.
With all the fondness of a cold sore.
By sending Noah a card, “Jo the places you’ll go,” and including a map to my place.
Like my love life, there’s a bit of a tease, then it ends up disappointingly mediocre.
The way they came back from adversity. Tough young scrappers, those guys.
Who could realistically challenge Derrick Rose for the rookie of the year award?
Realistically? No one.
That’s a really hard question for me to answer because I don’t give a damn.
Kevin Love, actually. Love is good on the rebounds.
Russell Westbrook I guess, but c’mon. It just ain’t realistic.
Derrick Rose’s bizarro world alter ego. Otherwise, no one.
What are you most looking forward to: the NHL playoffs or the NBA playoffs?
NHL playoffs without a doubt.
Let’s put it this way: I’d sooner have fire ants on my genitals than choose the NBA over the NHL.
The NHL will live on forever. Stanley, you will not die! Stanley! Stanley!
The NBA playoffs, a.k.a. the Kobe, LeBron, Dwyane Wade show.
NBA, for sure. Although I could grow a kick-ass hockey playoff beard.
Injuries are piling up for the Cubs. How would you keep them healthy?
Who needs Milton Bradley? We have Reed Johnson.
Steroids. Lots and lots of steroids.
By personally making sure the Cubs’ cups are half full, not half empty.
Unfortunately, Dr. Fantasy’s medicine doesn’t work in the real world.
Let them hibernate for the winter. Which means, they don’t play until May in Chicago.
Oscar De Le Hoya is retiring. Give him a going-away present.
I have some fishnets and heels he can have.
A complete makeover so he won’t look so much like Mariah Carey.
Some non-flammable clothing so he can look like a true knockout.
Acting lessons. I could see the Golden Boy take on Vin Diesel and Paul Walker in a car race.
A bear hug — no, that’d hurt. Pat on the back — oooh, claws might cut. OK, congrats dude.
