Hawk it to ’em
See Jen Patterson on Comcast SportsNet’s “Monsters in the Morning” from 6 to 9 a.m. weekdays.
Jen Patterson
Jimmy Greenfield
Tracy Swartz
Dr. Fantasy
Stick Figure
We’re through two games of the Western Conference finals. How are you holding up?
My Tourette’s Syndrome acts up only after Detroit scores.
Just fine but only because I’m seeing my psychiatrist 47 times a day.
Better than Jimmy’s pants. Blame his beard.
My heart feels like it’s been body checked.
I don’t have the frame to support this playoff beard much longer.
Let’s hear your best Detroit insult.
The best scenic shot they could get of Detroit was of a barge!
Hey Detroit, you’ve won only FOUR Stanley Cups since 1997! Ha! (No, I’m not good at insults.)
Hey Detroit, why are your residents so maladroit? Awk-ward.
Detroit: Where the hockey team is the only thing that doesn’t need a bailout.
You’ve got cooties!
What can the Cubs learn from the Blackhawks’ playoff run?
Lou should grow a mustache so he looks like Da Coach too.
Hire John McDonough.
Save your tears for the really painful periods.
Being a perennial loser is a lame excuse for playoff failure.
How to skate backward. That is soooo hard!
If you’re Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, what are you telling the team right now?
“I’ll be right back. One of my kids is graduating.”
“Has anybody seen my doll?”
“Pretty bird, pretty bird.”
Things that cannot be printed in a family newspaper.
“Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack.”
What can the Orlando Magic do to slow down LeBron James?
Clap chalk in his face.
Time travel to 2025, kidnap 41-year-old LeBron and return to replace young LeBron with old LeBron.
Don’t worry, flagrant fouls define Orlando. It’s for their amusement.
If they truly are Magic, they might want to wave a wand and turn him into a dove or rabbit.
Ask him to do long division. Gets me every time.
