Control them
Grab the remote for Fox chief meteorologist Amy Freeze (9 p.m. news and at 10:10 p.m.) and “The Cheeseburger Show’s” Kevin Pang (7:30 p.m. Thursdays).
Topic 1: The Blackhawks improved so much from last season to this season …
Phillip Thompson: … Amy Freeze agreed to be their new mascot.
Kevin Pang: … that Patrick Kane’s parents extended his weekend curfew to midnight.
Adam Caldarelli: Yes, they did. Good first question.
Amy Freeze: … they made Susan Boyle’s makeover look tame.
Stick Figure: … I’m going to need a sword to shave off this playoff beard.
Topic 2: What is hockey’s place in Chicago sports now?
Phillip Thompson: Finally, they have more fat, hairy admirers than the Luvabulls.
Kevin Pang: The crispy wafer sticking out of a crap sundae.
Adam Caldarelli: Somewhere between the Red Stars and the Bears.
Amy Freeze: The Hawks are as sought after as Obama’s barber.
Stick Figure: Right between my stuffed SpongeBob and Domo.
Topic 3: How will you know when the White Sox season is over?
Phillip Thompson: When it’s October. Too easy.
Kevin Pang: When I stop feeling the tremors of Bartolo Colon landing off the mound.
Adam Caldarelli: Lemme check … it’s over.
Amy Freeze: Hey! It’s only the end of MAY!
Stick Figure: Ozzie goes from using naughty words to being put in the naughty spot by Kenny Williams.
Topic 4: The Cubs’ famous “W” flag hasn’t flown much recently. What flag would you suggest?
Phillip Thompson: The white flag. (Why’s it gotta be a white flag?)
Kevin Pang: The French flag. Un drapeau de reddition. (Look it up.)
Adam Caldarelli: The Cubs’ much more famous and well-worn “L” flag pretty much sums it up.
Amy Freeze: Fly it upside-down: “M” is for Misery.
Stick Figure: The flag of unending misery and disappointment. It’s a tear-soaked Cubs scarf.
Topic 5: How good is Bears football looking right about now?
Phillip Thompson: Since they’re not even playing preseason games yet, could be worse.
Kevin Pang: Moderate interest. Like “Office Space”: If it’s on TV, I’ll watch it.
Adam Caldarelli: Still not convinced Frank Omiyale is the answer at left guard. In other words, pretty excited!
Amy Freeze: I’m so excited I bought a set of Cutler knives online.
Stick Figure: I love watching bears play football — even more than I like watching the water-skiing squirrel.
