The newest iPhone, the 3G S, is selling like hotcakes used to sell before people turned to cereal as the breakfast food of choice. But where does Apple’s latest smart phone rank in the pantheon of technological advancement? Only the journalistic advance known as the “charticle” can answer that.
iPHONE 3G S (16 GB)
COST: $599 (without phone-service contract)
ADVANTAGE OVER PREVIOUS TECHNOLOGY: Faster operations, better battery life
POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGE: User becomes likely to name-drop his phone. His phone.
MOST ANNOYING FEATURE: Puts user under suspicion as technology victim chasing latest in gadget fashion MOST GLORIOUS FEATURE: Even better than cute puppy as a conversation starter
KINDLE 2
COST: $359
ADVANTAGE OVER PREVIOUS TECHNOLOGY:Improved ergonomics, more memory
POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGE: Delicate electronics not conducive for use during bubble bath
MOST ANNOYING FEATURE: Contributes to troubling belief that print is endangered medium MOST GLORIOUS FEATURE: Reveals world of sentences, paragraphs to tech geeks
LUNCHABLES
COST: $2-$3 (most flavors)
ADVANTAGE OVER PREVIOUS TECHNOLOGY: Keeps cheese, crackers separate until “go time”
POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGE: Refrigerated crackers? Really?
MOST ANNOYING FEATURE: Container not reusable unless you want to spend hours shaping your ham and cheese MOST GLORIOUS FEATURE: Makes kids salivate over food they’d snub if presented on a plate
ROOMBA 580
COST: $500
ADVANTAGE OVER PREVIOUS TECHNOLOGY: Vacuums room without bothersome pushing, pulling
POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGE: Slow, may lead other household appliances in uprising
MOST ANNOYING FEATURE: Spotlights owner as one of the laziest humans on the planet MOST GLORIOUS FEATURE: Decorated with a scary mask, it’ll enliven any Halloween party
4-FINGERED GLOVE
COST: $10-$300
ADVANTAGE OVER PREVIOUS TECHNOLOGY: Acknowledges longstanding, apparently permanent anatomical feature
POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGE: Could confound Shoeless Joe Jackson when he shows up in your cornfield for a game
MOST ANNOYING FEATURE: Marks user as baseball “modernist” who probably also prefers aluminum bats, postgame showers
MOST GLORIOUS FEATURE: An end to sweaty cohabitating: Each finger gets a single
ELECTRIC-EYE URINAL
COST: FREE (in public restrooms)
ADVANTAGE OVER PREVIOUS TECHNOLOGY: Clears liquid effluent of even hardcore nonflushers
POTENTIAL DISADVANTAGE: Can you really be sure there isn”t a camera in there?
MOST ANNOYING FEATURE: Occasionally doesn’t realize you’ve left urinal, forcing you to play game of chicken until either it flushes or you press button MOST GLORIOUS FEATURE: No more disquietingly damp flush handles to touch
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More online
To see a classic photo gallery of things we once thought to be “high tech,” go to chicagotribune.com/hightech
