Michael Vick released a statement after being reinstated by the NFL, and RedEye released the hounds. Here’s Whizzer’s line-by-line response to Vick’s statement.
VICK: “I would like to express my sincere gratitude and appreciation to Commissioner Goodell for allowing me to be readmitted to the National Football League.”
WHIZZER: If I were bankrupt, I’d thank the guy throwing me a bone too. Oh, right, I do eat bones.
“I fully understand that playing football in the NFL is a privilege, not a right, and I am truly thankful for the opportunity I have been given.”
Hey, you should talk to Brett Favre about this privilege-right stuff. I’m beginning to wonder if he realizes the difference.
“As you can imagine, the last two years have given me time to re-evaluate my life, mature as an individual and fully understand the terrible mistakes I made in the past and what type of life I must lead moving forward.”
Speaking of terrible mistakes: I can’t believe I drafted you as my No. 1 QB in my fantasy league a few years ago.
“Again, I would like to thank the Commissioner for the chance to return to the game I love and the opportunity to become an example of positive change.”
You have been given a rare opportunity; don’t shoot yourself in the foot. Oops, I didn’t mean to bring Plaxico Burress into the conversation.
“I would like to also thank Coach Tony Dungy for all of his support and for serving as a mentor.”
Hold on, what? Why is a Super Bowl-winning coach risking tarnishing his image by getting involved?
