I really owe a huge apology to college football fans throughout Chicago.
In the heat of two non-pennant races and the Jay Cutler experience, I forgot to write up the annual college football preview edition of the column.
So, let’s go ahead and preview our local football teams.
Whoops, this is disgusting. As usual, we have nothing — and I mean nothing — going on.
Northwestern. I had low expectations, and congratulations, you’ve met them. They have a quarterback named Kafka. People, you read “Kafka” in college, you don’t play Kafka as your starting QB.
Illinois. I don’t know anymore. For some reason, I’d rather watch their flashback games on the Big Ten Network more than the games this season. They’re 1-2 heading into Penn State. I really admired the 30-0 loss to Ohio State. Question: How on earth did you ever convince Dick Butkus to attend this perennial graveyard of football mediocrity?
Notre Dame. Snooze. You can’t beat Michigan. You almost lose to Michigan State. Thank God our armed forces are being deployed overseas right now because something tells me you couldn’t beat Navy, Air Force or the Coast Guard at full strength. Charlie Weis, I know the alumni can be hard on you. Out of pure boredom and lack of interest on the subject, I’m joining the chorus. Hit the bricks.
Northern Illinois. Fascinating note: The Huskies actually have a head coach by the name of “Jerry Kill.” They beat Purdue, lost to Wisconsin, beat a couple of others. Folks, this is a mid-level Big Ten team disguised as an upper-tier MAC team. This team needs a new conference! This team is better than Northwestern! I see them as our only bowl representative, though it will be a bowl you’ve never heard of.
So there you have it — one bowl team out of four.
Stay tuned next week for the Blackhawks/NHL preview edition. Here’s a sneak peek: Sorry, I know you’re young, but things happen quickly, and now you better win the Stanley Cup or else.
