Mouthing off in front of your teachers would never be condoned, but all goes out the window when we start talking sports. Wanna take part? E-mail us at themash@tribune.com.
THIS WEEK’S CHATTERHEADS
Leigh Anna Hudson, Glenbard South
Jimmy Loomos, Maine South
Allyssa Pollard, Neuqua Valley
Sara Crook, Barrington
MODERATOR: Shaq has applied to be a sheriff’s deputy in
Cleveland. Make up a crime for which Shaq would arrest you.
LEIGH ANNA: Being too short and athletically challenged.
JIMMY: Not having enough funk.
ALLYSSA: Beating him at a one-on-one game like Aaron Carter did. “That’s How I Beat Shaq!”
SARA: Being too short for his peripheral vision.
MODERATOR: Why did Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach
blame a blowout loss on his players’ “fat little girlfriends”?
LEIGH ANNA: Because he never had a real relationship in college and he’s expressing his suppressed bitterness.
JIMMY: He can’t get a girlfriend of his own, so he thought he would take it out on someone else’s.
ALLYSSA: He obviously prefers big fat girlfriends.
SARA: Obesity is affecting our nation in far too many ways.
MODERATOR: Why is ESPN making a documentary
about unlucky Cubs fan Steve Bartman?
LEIGH ANNA: Because, really, what else do they have?
JIMMY: To make us Cub fans feel even worse about ourselves.
ALLYSSA: Cubs fans still need something to cling to. Come on, guys, grow up.
SARA: It’ll gain a lot of viewers. Cubs fans will watch just to find out where he lives so they can throw things at him continuously.
MODERATOR: One minor-league hockey team had King of Pop Night in which players wore specialty jerseys and one white glove. What would be your promotion?
LEIGH ANNA: I’d have a Drag Queen Night. Every player would have to dress in drag to celebrate their inner diva.
JIMMY: “Daze of Craze Night,” where everyone dresses up as weird and wild as possible.
ALLYSSA: Stop Having Pointless Promotions Night. Just act like a normal person and stop trying to be funny and/or cute!
SARA: “The Chiller Thrillers”
