Mouthing off in front of your teachers would never be condoned, but all goes out the window when we start talking sports. Wanna take part? E-mail us at themash@tribune.com.
THIS WEEK’S CHATTERHEADS
Chris Betts, King
Lee Pikelny, Lincoln Park
Deontae Moore, Urban Prep
Riley Jones, Brooks
MODERATOR: Shaq has applied to be a sheriff’s deputy in Cleveland. Make up a crime for which Shaq would arrest you.
CHRIS: I’m clumsy so he’d probably arrest me for assaulting an officer. He’s about the same height as a pole and I haven’t had much luck with those.
LEE: Wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey.
DEONTAE: Shaq being a cop is bad enough, why not arrest me for taking him seriously?
RILEY: DWALF — Driving while a Lakers fan.
MODERATOR: Why did Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach
blame a blowout loss on his players’ “fat little girlfriends?”
CHRIS: Because they eat all their boyfriends’ food, so the athletes can’t bulk up.
LEE: He wouldn’t want to blame his big fat players.
DEONTAE: Is he talking about his players’ actual girlfriends or the players themselves? Obviously, he doesn’t seem to be getting a whole lot of love at home.
RILEY: He remembers the girlfriend he had in college.
MODERATOR: Why is ESPN making a documentary about unlucky Cubs fan Steve Bartman?
CHRIS: They want it to spin off into a reality TV show about crazed fans.
LEE: To get Cubs fans to finally stop blaming him. Seriously? One hundred years of failure and the blame goes to a goat and a fan who tried to catch a foul ball? Come on!
DEONTAE: This is worth the footage. Like always, a Cubs fan is dissatisfied.
RILEY: Misery sells.
MODERATOR: One minor-league hockey team had King of Pop Night in which players wore specialty jerseys and one white glove. What would be your promotion?
CHRIS: A team Oreo-stacking contest.
LEE: How about a day where they just play hockey? Crazy, I know!
DEONTAE: It looks like they ran out of Michael Jackson’s special jackets, but how about placing them on a nice little postcard to show fans’ appreciation for the King of Pop?
RILEY: Transformers. Players wear a metal box for a helmet with an Autobot emblem.
