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A few headlines to look for in 2011:
Jan. 25: Steven Tyler fired from “American Idol” for collaborating with contestants
Feb. 17: iPhone users flock to Verizon; Verizon service suddenly stinks
Feb. 28: James Franco amputates own arm while co-hosting Oscars
March 9: Self-contentment reigns as universe swallowed by Oprah Winfrey Network
April 7: Obama, Boehner agree: Golf rules!
June 8: Major League Baseball fights for ratings, starts playing games on NFL fields
Aug. 17: LeBron James creates contract loophole, sprints to Chicago
Oct. 19: WikiLeaks founder reveals that he gets all his information off Facebook
Nov. 11: Scientists embarrassed to admit Maya were totally right about 2012 apocalypse
