Skip to content
Author
PUBLISHED: | UPDATED:
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

div#content.article h2 {
font-weight: normal;
font-size: 14px;
}

div#social-tools {
display: none;
}

1. What might happen if Kyle Orton starts against the Bears on Sunday?

Tracy Swartz: Tebow will save him.

Julie DiCaro: The neckbeard weeps. Hanie weeps. We all weep.

Soxman: It will be a close shave, but the Bears will clip Captain Neckbeard.

Ernest Wilkins: The crowd will go MILD! Also: Interceptions.

Brad Zibung: The universe will swallow itself. That or a Bears win.

2. How do Movember mustaches help the Blackhawks play on the ice?

Tracy Swartz: They’ll edge the competition by a whisker.

Julie DiCaro: Excess facial hair makes Kaner feel like a big boy, causes him to play big boy hockey.

Soxman: It may get hairy but the mustache is simply a precursor to the playoff beard.

Ernest Wilkins: They creep the crap out of their opponents? (Not John Scott though. He looks great! Don’t kick my ass.)

Brad Zibung: They help a lot but not as much as their Mulletcember haircuts will. Mark my words.

3. Imagine the phone conversation between Ndamukong Suh and Roger Goodell.

Tracy Swartz: It would end in a slam.

Julie DiCaro: A lot of Neanderthal-like grunting, and then whatever Suh sounds like.

Soxman: Another player stomp and Ndamukong may get “Suh’d” by the NFL.

Ernest Wilkins: “Only 2 games?” “Yeah, you made Detroit interesting for the first time since Barry Sanders retired.”

Brad Zibung: Pretty sure Suh the Cowardly Lion will let that one go to voice mail.

4. Rumors have the Cubs going after Prince Fielder. What do you make of that?

Tracy Swartz: Really, any fielder will do.

Julie DiCaro: I’m not used to the Cubs doing intelligent things. I feel funny.

Soxman: Rumors also have Prince playing at Wrigley Field … in concert. Let’s go crazy, Theo!

Ernest Wilkins: As long as they call him the Big Wiggle, I’m fine with it.

Brad Zibung: You’re expecting a fat joke here, aren’t you? In that case, you’ll be disappointed my friend.

5. Why are so many coaches losing their jobs this week?

Tracy Swartz: Owners don’t want their Christmas presence.

Julie DiCaro: Post-Thanksgiving indigestion makes a lot of owners cranky.

Soxman: It’s the best way to avoid paying the Christmas bonus. Humbug I say.

Ernest Wilkins: Better question: Why did people buy stuff on Cyber Monday that they know they can’t afford?

Brad Zibung: Because their teams suck and/or they’ve been covering up sex scandals.