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Evil Super Computer: My database tells me there’s no such thing for mere mortals. |
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Julie DiCaro: A team contending for the best record in the NBA with its best player on the bench. |
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Soxman: Not getting “T’d” out no matter how “T’d” off you get at the referees. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Charles Motherlovin’ Oakley. Still. Google “Charles Oakley workout.” Dude is a BEAAAAAST. |
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Brad Zibung: Being able to get by without a shoe deal. |
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Evil Super Computer: Sure. I’ll just make mlb.com an offer it can’t refuse. MWAHAHAHA! |
| Julie DiCaro: I’m a Cubs fan, I’m in no position to help anyone out. |
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Soxman: The competition puts up blanks at the hands of John Danks! Go White Sox! |
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Ernest Wilkins: I care so much, I’ll be ducking work to support him at the home opener! |
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Brad Zibung: “Don’t worry buddy. You’re a good pitcher and you’ll find your way into the bigs someday soon!” |
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Evil Super Computer: For me, it’s usually a circuit breaker issue. True story. |
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Julie DiCaro: By trying to put the puck in the net more. That’s key. |
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Soxman: How about the “Power Play Rave?” It’s working for the Illinois Lottery. |
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Ernest Wilkins: Listen to that OutKast album “WesternConferencePlayalisticPowerPlayMusic.” It helps, trust me. |
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Brad Zibung: Ask the other team to get out of the way when the Hawks are shooting the puck. |
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Evil Super Computer: I’ll let my lawyer handle that question. |
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Julie DiCaro: He was too busy daydreaming about cruising in his new $329K Ferrari 458 Italia. |
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Soxman: Inadequate. College basketball tourneys lead to bracket envy. |
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Ernest Wilkins: No clue, I wasn’t with him when he was shootin’ in the gym. (I WASN’T WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS SHOOTIN’ IN THE GYM!) |
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Brad Zibung: His face got stuck in that weird snarl thing he does and it was freaking out people at home watching on TV. |
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Evil Super Computer: … programming “Angry Birds” for an Atari. |
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Julie DiCaro: Forget that, I just found out a nose job costs $10K. Does it come with a diamond earring in it? |
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Soxman: … helping others smell victory. Very “Niese” of Carlos Beltran though! |
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Ernest Wilkins: … paying someone’s bond to get them out of jail after they beat up an entire bar. YOU’RE WELCOME, BRAD. |
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Brad Zibung: … someone paying for Carlos Beltran to finally get that mole removed. |
