I met this girl who is 21 through mutual friends. I’m 30. She looks and acts older than she is, and I look younger and act about my age, but I am a guy. I don’t have kids, never been married. She works as a nanny right down the street and is still finishing college. Point is, I really like her, but I don’t know if I should rethink this because of the age difference. My friends have mentioned age is just a number and encourage me to stay with her. … I am happy and haven’t felt so good in years, or maybe ever. Will she get bored and look for other things? Will she feel like she is settling too early? Should I ask her to be exclusive?
—Question via Reddit
THREE ANSWERS:
Keri Wiginton
Photo editor and part-time advice giver at the Chicago Tribune | Married, 33
I’ve never understood why some people see age as a major defining factor in whether they’ll date someone. It is, in fact, just a number. I agree that a 21-year-old and a 30-year-old are at different stages in life, but if you get along emotionally then what’s the problem? She might get bored, but so might anyone. That has nothing to do with how old she is. I had been in two long-term relationships by my early 20s and met my husband when I was 21. While I don’t think you should ask her to start popping out babies just yet, there’s no reason you shouldn’t see where things go.
—Keri | @keriphoto
Fred
Host of “Fred and Angi in the Morning” on 103.5 KISS-FM | Single, 34
I’ve heard (and believe) that women mature much faster than we do, so the age difference might only compensate for that difference. Time will give you a better perspective on your similarities and differences, so why not continue to pursue her if it makes you both happy? She might defy everything you think you know about youth and could surprise you with her focus and sense of self.
—Fred | @fredonair
Isaac Paul
Host, devil’s advocate and resident know-it-all of “The Tequila Tales” | In a relationship, 36
Man, quit playing. You are basically describing the ideal unicorn scenario and you’re asking should you NOT be happy. Becauuuussse? Typically women mature at faster rates then men, so the age disparity is not that egregious. Throughout my past I have always seen women being attracted to older men who were more mature and established. So don’t feel too out of play.
Admittedly, every year in your 20s carries the experience equivalent of dog years, so she will most likely change considerably as she moves through the next few stages. Just make certain that you are providing her room to develop at a pace that is comfortable for her, and not rush or make demands to satisfy your desires. But if you feel good and you’re happy, I say run with it. She probably sees you as a catch and won’t view it as settling at all.
—Isaac | @thetequilatales
Thanks for reading “Threesome.” Each week, we take a look at a relationship question from the public and have three panelists give their insights. Have a question to ask? Shoot it over to us on Twitter at @redeyechicago or on our Facebook page. If it’s a little more private, feel free to email it to redeye@redeyechicago.com with the word “Threesome” in the subject line.
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