This is the latest in my occasional series of poems chronicling the rule of President Donald J. Trump.
THE CHOSEN ONE
Hello, my good Americans
I’ve got some breaking news:
I’m now the King of Israel
The president for Jews.
.
Yea, people, I’m the Chosen One
So Jewish folks, take note:
Those Democrats are heretics
Don’t give those bums your vote.
.
And if you do, beware, my friends
Jehovah’s wrath will strike
For those who are disloyal to me
Are those God will not like.
.
By God I mean The Greatest One
No, no — not AOC —
By God I mean the Greatest Son:
That’s me, me, me, me, me.
.
I am the Second Coming, folks,
Your leader — nay, your God
I am so bleepin’ powerful
Who knows — I might free Rod.
.
By Rod I mean Blagojevich —
I loved him on my show —
Though, frankly, I’ve got bigger jobs
Than letting Blago go.
.
‘Cause what a crazy summer, folks
I just can’t catch a break
With shootings here and shootings there
And all the news that’s fake.
.
These shooters they are monsters
As barbaric as the Huns
We ought to put them all to death —
But let’s not blame their guns.
.
I gave a teleprompter speech
And said let’s stop the hate
Then went down to El Paso
The reception there was great!
.
I made a stop in Dayton
And some thought that that was wrong
But lemme tell you something, folks:
The love for me was strong.
.
I posed for lots of photo-ops —
Can hardly count them all —
But let’s not get distracted here:
We gotta build that wall.
.
Invaders keep on coming
So we’ve gotta make it clear
We’ll lock invading families up
They are not welcome here.
.
Oh ay yi yi, my job is tough
And every day’s a war
A war on trade and Democrats
Thank God old Joe’s a bore.
.
You think old Joe can beat me?
That I’m sinking in the polls?
The Lamestream Press is full of lies
Thank God for Russian trolls.
.
And talk of a recession?
Just another liberal ploy
Just proof of their derangement —
Our economy’s a joy!
.
You’re harping still on gun control?
I’m not sure what to say
I’m waiting for new talking points
Straight from the NRA.
.
Sigh.
I wanted to buy Greenland
It’s got lots of melting ice
But then that Dane said nasty things
She really wasn’t nice.
.
I mean that mean prime minister
She said, “Absurd! No sale!”
And so I showed her who’s the boss
That she’s a total fail.
.
I stomped my foot and tweeted:
I’m not coming to your town!
‘Cause when you are The Chosen
You must put your big foot down.
.
Nasty women everywhere!
Dear God, they’re like a pox
Except for Sarah Huckabee
She got a job at Fox.
.
And all those nasty Congressgals
That ethnic female pack?
If they don’t like the U.S.A.
I say let’s send ’em back!
.
Thank God some gay folks like me
Their Log Cabin’s my retreat
I’m glad there’s somewhere I can go
To beat the liberals’ heat.
.
Some say that I’m demented
I’m psychotic, loco, nuts
The Mooch says I’m declining
Well, I say that he’s a putz.
.
Some say I live for power
I’m a narcissist and worse
Some say I am a fuhrer
Meine Freunde, that’s no curse.
.
Just ask my buddy Putin
He knows leaders must play rough
A savior’s sometimes brutal
A messiah must be tough.
.
And when the next election comes,
I know I will not lose
For I’m the nation’s Chosen One
And I’m the one you’ll choose.
.
But if your loyalty fails me —
As remote a chance as Mars —
But if it does, I’ll get a gig
On “Dancing With the Stars.”
