On the evening her daughter tried to scrub her biracial skin white, Becky Cortesi-Caruso realized a teachable moment was at hand.
Uniqueness can be a double-edged sword, particularly for children. It can make them popular, or it can put them on a lonely path. As unfair as it may be, the fact is children are sometimes shunned because of a characteristic they can’t change.
Cortesi-Caruso knows a bit about helping children stand strong. The suburban special education professional and social worker has dedicated her life to helping kids with differences develop resiliency.
She knows, of course, that the real solution is to make the world a kinder, more accepting place — a place where individuals can focus on their gifts and talents instead of their appearance — but since that is unlikely to happen any time soon, Cortesi-Caruso gives youngsters strategies to steel themselves against adversity.
When she realized her own daughter was hurting for that very reason, she used storytelling to help ease her personal pain while broaching the subject of public tolerance.
She wrote a children’s book aimed at not only heightening Charleigh’s self-esteem but raising the level of cultural sensitivity of everyone who reads it.
“Beautifully Biracial: A Young Adoptee’s Journey to Love Herself” (Marcinson Press; 2021) is the Lemont resident’s second children’s book. The first, “Chasing Charleigh: An Adoption Story Filled with Hope & Love,” introduced the world to her then 5-year-old adopted daughter and to the workings of open adoption.
Both books are written through the eyes of Charleigh, a curious child who loves art, softball and sewing.
Today, Charleigh is 9 and while she has assimilated into her loving Caucasian family, which includes her dad Mike and older siblings Camryn and Carson, she struggles with fitting into her mostly white suburban community.
The struggle began long before America’s racial divide seized 2020 headlines.
Early on, Charleigh noticed she looked different from the rest of her family. But while her family reassured her that didn’t matter, the world inferred otherwise.
One day in 2018, when she was at school, another child told Charleigh that “she didn’t like Black people.”
Cortesi-Caruso said her daughter came home in tears and, later that night, decided she’d had enough of being different.
In the book, Charleigh tells readers, “Mom walked into the bathroom and asked what I was doing. I told her, ‘If I scrub my skin hard enough, maybe I could look like you.'”
At the time of the incident, a horrified Cortesi-Caruso said she wrapped her youngest in a towel and hugged her as tightly as she could.
As they rocked back and forth on the bathroom floor, Cortesi-Caruso whispered, “Oh, my darling, you are beautifully biracial, with the curliest of curls and the silkiest of skin, there isn’t anything that you can’t achieve in this world!”
The incident became the inspiration for the book.
Cortesi-Caruso said that evening she realized she had to do more than talk about diversity, more than expose her daughter to movies and books about both Black and White heroes, more than offer consistent reminders that the definition of real beauty is not determined by others.
“I wrote the book to empower my daughter to love who she is,” Cortesi-Caruso said. “I tried to tell her story authentically, but also positively. Because that’s how we are raising her.”
At the time, she said she didn’t realize she was tapping into one of America’s most volatile issues.
“Beautifully Biracial” was released in October and already Cortesi-Caruso has learned that the topic of race is as sensitive as ever.
“All I want is for people to acknowledge that there is beauty in all skin colors,” she said. “We have people from all walks of life in this country. All of us belong.
“I want Charleigh to see that she’s beautiful just the way she is and that she has the potential to become anything she wants,” she said.
Cortesi-Caruso said she hopes others read the book and come away with greater empathy and the goal of bestowing positivity and affirmation upon children.
“I want kids who feel defeated to realize they’re not alone,” she said.
She wants parents to realize there are things they can do to encourage tolerance. Mostly, she wants her daughter to see herself as a beautiful gift to the world.
Donna Vickroy is an award-winning reporter, editor and columnist who worked for the Daily Southtown for 38 years.
