President Donald Trump wants to dance the night away, courtesy of you and me.
It is hard to believe that Republican lawmakers are sticking their necks out for a White House proposal to spend $1 billion of taxpayer money to “secure” a White House ballroom.
A ballroom? Imagine if Joe Biden had requested a cool billion for a party spot to stretch his legs, dress up and hobnob?
The $1 billion pitch is included in a budget reconciliation package currently under congressional consideration. Many of Trump’s Republican allies support the glittering ballroom bauble, arguing the hefty price tag is needed to pay for high-level security measures in the wake of multiple assassination attempts against the president.
Trump’s presidential poll numbers are plummeting, the midterm elections are approaching and his party has the nerve to promote a ballroom.
The plan hit a major speed bump Saturday when the U.S. Senate parliamentarian ruled that the proposal would violate the Senate’s “Byrd Rule,” meaning it could not be approved by a simple Senate majority.
GOP leaders, however, are vowing to revise the pitch so that it will pass muster.
Republicans have taken leave of their senses. If this boondoggle passes, I cannot wait to watch them grapple with the consequences on the campaign trail.
American voters are already drowning in skyrocketing gas prices and inflation. They are disconsolate over how elected officials are spending their taxpayer dollars.
Anyone with any gray on their noggin will remember the famed “Golden Fleece” award. Back in the 1970s and 1980s, U.S. Sen. William Proxmire of Wisconsin bestowed the honor on the “biggest, most ridiculous or most ironic” instances of wasteful government spending. If that award were still around, we would need a new category. How about “reckless spending above and beyond the call of duty.”
Well, it’s a ballroom, so maybe Trump and his congressional minions want to break out their colorful tights and fancy brooches and pivot around a gaudy and gilded dance floor.
Such frolic won’t be held in high esteem by Trump’s down-to-earth, blue-collar MAGA voters. They will not take kindly to Strauss waltzes. “The Blue Danube” is unlikely to be a big hit with that crowd. Republican lawmakers might want to reconsider the ballroom request.
However, if they remain desperate to please “The Man,” I am happy to offer alternatives that might be more amenable to the Trump trade.
For starters, how about a wrestling ring? Think of the possibilities. Trump’s voters all roar with delight when he shows up at WWE bouts. The president could conduct diplomacy from the ring.
Why not hold wrestling matches with world leaders? The White House could host a rumble between Chinese President Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin, president of Russia. Trump could referee. They are all such good buddies, after all. War or peace in Ukraine could be the prize in a matchup between Putin and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.
Or Trump could wrestle an Iranian mullah for a shot at opening of the Strait of Hormuz.
In war, why is it that soldiers and civilians must die while their leaders are situated comfortably on the battle lines? Let’s put them in the ring. It could change the way we wage warfare.
If a wrestling ring is too radical for Congress, how about installing an Olympic-size swimming pool on the White House premises?
That would be a convenient spot for the president to take a dip or two and give the world a chance to see Trump in a Speedo. Can’t miss that, right?
Trump could channel an Esther Williams vibe. It could allow America and the world diplomatic elite to participate in a different kind of ballroom dancing. Call it synchronized swimming.
That might be extremely popular with older voters and even help him pull the wool over their eyes as he cuts their Social Security.
One more verdant option: a conservatory or a botanical garden. That would certainly improve his appeal to the Green Party crowd. It could be an iconic place to educate Americans on the appeal of greenery. It could also provide Trump with the opportunity to “have vine leaves in his hair.”
This Dionysian suggestion for Trump would spell sweet bliss for the MAGA contingent, which idolizes the cult of masculinity. The president might go for this image of himself.
Besides, a mega “garden” could offer Trump a new sideline. It would be the ideal spot to produce a hefty supply of cannabis. That produce could pay for the whole project and spare the taxpayers. Think of it: Trump’s own brand of marijuana. Yet another grasping opportunity for him to make more of the megabucks he craves. Call it “A Toke With Trump.”
Trump could be the new Marlboro Man. Let it roll.
Laura Washington is a political commentator and longtime Chicago journalist. Her columns appear in the Tribune each Wednesday. Write to her at LauraLauraWashington@gmail.com.
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