Dear Abby: Five months ago I found a wonderful man I`ll call Joe. We are perfect for each other in every way. Joe introduced me to his best friend,
”Jack,” who is married to a girl I`ll call Joyce. Well, Joe and I and Jack and Joyce became a regular foursome.
I sensed a definite closeness between Joyce and my Joe, so I half-kiddingly asked Joe if he had ever been to bed with Joyce. He said yes, but that was before he met me. Well, I just freaked out. I refused to socialize with Joyce, and I told her why.
Joe thinks I`m being childish and selfish, but I can`t help it. Every time I look at Joyce I visualize her in bed with my Joe, and I can`t handle it.
The foursome is broken up, and Jack doesn`t know the real reason. Joyce told him that she and I had a falling-out. (He doesn`t know what happened between Joe and Joyce before he married her.)
I realize that what went on between Joe and Joyce happened before he knew me, but I still resent that she once shared the same kind of special relationship with my Joe that I now have.
Whose fault is this mess? It`s not my fault that I can`t look at Joyce without wanting to cry. Is there a solution?
Anonymous in Ohio
Dear Anonymous: For openers, you shouldn`t have asked Joe if he had ever been to bed with Joyce. (It`s none of your business.) And Joe shouldn`t have told you. You are childish and unfair to refuse to socialize with Joyce, thus breaking up the foursome.
The solution would be to take a more realistic and mature attitude about something that happened before you were even in the picture, then bury the hatchet. But not in Joyce`s back.
Dear Abby: Thanks for running the letter from ”All Choked Up,”
complaining about people who practically bathe in cologne and perfume. I have a close friend who really needs to read that letter (I clipped it), but I don`t know how to get that message to her without hurting her feelings. She may have read it, but most people never see themselves in your letters.
I`ve been trying for a long time to think of a diplomatic way to tell her that her cologne is killing me! When we`re in a restaurant, I try to sit on the other side of the table. When we talk, I try not to get too close, but when I`m riding in a car with her, I`m trapped. If I open the car window, she says, ”The air conditioner is on.” Then she rolls the window up!
I wish perfume counters sold bottles of ”Fresh Air.”
Suffocated by Scents
Dear Suffocated: What`s wrong with the direct approach? No friend worth having would intentionally offend. It would be a kindness to tell her.
Dear Readers: Have you been racking your brain about what to give your niece or nephew for graduation from high school or college? Or maybe there`s a bar mitzvah or confirmation coming up.
Do I have an idea for you! It`s a brand-new book titled ”The Great Thoughts,” by George Seldes (published by Ballantine Books).
This is a collection of thoughts, quotations and ideas that have determined the intellectual history of the world, short passages in the original words of the men and women who have conceived them. It covers more than 2,500 thinkers, from Abelard to Zola, from classical Greece to contemporary America, arranged alphabetically by author and indexed by subject matter.
”The Great Thoughts” is not only a great gift that will last a lifetime; it`s a fine addition to your own library. It`s only $12.95 in the United States and $17.50 in Canada, so be good to yourself and buy two.
Do you hate to write letters because you don`t know what to say? Thank-you notes, sympathy letters, congratulations, how to decline and accept invitations and how to write an interesting letter are included in Abby`s booklet, ”How to Write Letters for All Occasions.” Send your name and address clearly printed with a check or money order for $2.50 (this includes postage) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 38923, Hollywood, Calif. 90038.
