As a year, 1985 was hard to classify. The old year had more than its share of big events, but it kept starting things without finishing them:
summit talks, tax reform, the McCormick Place annex, a smaller city payroll for Chicago, a Super Bowl championship for the Bears. It was a cliffhanging sort of year.
Still, l985 started a lot of trends. Some should continue, but there are quite a few that 1986, if it has any sense, will promptly put in its Out basket. Let us suggest a few.
— Books by Lee Iacocca, Mayor Edward Koch and What`s-Her-Name Presley, unless they are about something other than Lee Iacocca, Edward Koch and the late Elvis.
— Telephone sales pitches by computers, along with archly worded messages on phone answering machines.
— The word ”sting,” as applied in 1985 to any law enforcement operation more complicated than a police raid. The phrase ”smoke and mirrors” applied by any government figure to any program, budget or statement by any other government figure. The phrase ”bottom line” in any context.
— Further use by right-wing regimes of Rev. Jerry Falwell as a traveling ill-will ambassador.
— Further use by the Pentagon of Col. R2D2, that letter-writing robot it keeps in its basement to answer critics of defense spending.
— Further travels abroad by (1) Vice President George Bush, especially for appearances at funerals, and (2) Gov. James Thompson, especially for appearances at oriental second-hand stores.
— Complaints by Ald. Edward Burke (14th) at any volume and pitch likely to shatter glasses. Speeches by Ald. Bernard Stone (50th). Remarks by any city council member likely to bring on more speeches by Ald. Stone.
— Cost overruns on anything designed by architect Helmut Jahn. (It seems a little premature to say ”anything designed by Helmut Jahn,” but a new year is beginning.)
— Rock stars with only one name–Madonna, Prince, Boy George–unless the trend can be carried all the way; rock stars with no name would be real progress.
— Perfumed cards in magazines. Also, department stores that set up a minefield of perfume squirters for customers to dodge through.
— Places like Limelight. People who stand in line to go to places like Limelight.
— More hints from Yasser Arafat that he just might recognize Israel`s right to exist if such-and-such happens. (It won`t and he won`t, and does anybody still care?)
— Biographies of Princess Diana at any length exceeding one sentence.
On the other hand, some trends that deserve encouragement surfaced during 1985. Mergers, for instance. There are entrancing possibilities for more of them: Ted Turner with Sen. Jesse Helms, T. Boone Pickens with New York`s Donald Trump. (The merger of General Dynamics Corp. and the Defense Department may already have happened, but it could be made official.)
A one-man trend named William Perry should certainly be encouraged, if he needs it. The barely detectable movement toward getting the McCormick Place annex built should get a push; maybe extra cash for it will turn up in Al Capone`s vault at the Lexington Hotel.
Programs for teaching English as a second language might be extended to take in Chicago cab drivers. And who knows–as the years pass into history, even yuppies may grow older.
