As the announcer read the news on TV, Little Louie raised his head from the bar and said: ”Wha`d he say?”
”About what?” asked Slats Grobnik.
”Did he say something just now about George Bush?” said Louie.
”Yeah, he said that Bush is going to put a Hispanic in his Cabinet.”
”That`s what I thought,” said Louie. ”Bush must be crazy. That`s the most terrible thing I ever heard a politician say.”
”What`s so terrible about it?” asked Slats.
”You got to ask me what`s terrible? How`d you like to be put in a cabinet?”
”I wouldn`t mind.”
”Then you must be as crazy as Bush. That`s an awful thing to do to any human being, whether he`s a Hispanic or whatever. He can`t go around stuffing people in cabinets. They could suffocate.”
”No, Louie, you don`t understand. He . . .”
”Don`t tell me. I know all about it. When I was a kid, my older brothers locked me in a closet, and I been afraid to sleep without lights on ever since. That`s why my wife sleeps under the bed so`s the light don`t bother her. Did they say why Bush is picking on Hispanics?”
”He`s not picking on them. Just the opposite. He`s trying to . . .”
”Don`t try to make excuses for him. I`ll bet his cabinet is full of peanut butter and jars of grape jelly. Bush looks like the kind of guy who eats that stuff. And bran. I figure he eats a lot of bran. Can you imagine what it would be like to be surrounded by all that bran? I don`t think Hispanics like bran that much. If he`s going to put anybody in his cabinet, why don`t he stuff a Wasp like himself in there. They like bran. Cottage cheese, too.”
”Louie, let me explain . . .”
”I can`t believe this. What`s Bush`s wife going to think. She`s going to come home and go in the kitchen and open the cabinet door and there`s going to be this poor Hispanic curled up in there with all the bran. She`ll probably faint. I know my wife would. She opened a cabinet once and there was a mouse, and she ran out in the street screaming. If she ever opened a cabinet and found a Hispanic or anybody else in there, she`d jump out the window. I mean, what`s with this Bush, is he some kind of sadist?”
”Louie, I`ve been trying to explain, he`s not talking about his kitchen cabinet.”
”Then what? His bathroom cabinet? That`s worse. I`ll bet it`s full of dental floss and mouthwash and vitamin pills and his toenail clipper. And plenty of Preparation H. You ever notice that even when he smiles, he looks like he`s in pain?”
Just then the TV announcer said something else about Bush.
”What`d he say?” asked Louie.
”He said that Bush won`t promise to put a woman or a black in his Cabinet,” said Slats.
”Of course not, he can`t get them all in one cabinet. There ain`t enough room.”
”Louie, that`s not the point. If you`ll let me explain, I`ll . . .”
”Hey, I just thought of something. Maybe Bush is just trying to show that he`s got a sense of humor, that he`s a joker and not a stiff. Like he says: `I`m going to put a Hispanic in my cabinet.` Then the reporters ask him why? And he says: `Because William the Fridge Perry won`t fit.` Get it?”
”Louie, he`s not joking. He`s serious. And I`m trying to tell you that . . .”
”Oh, boy, then we`re in trouble. They better keep an eye on him. What`s he going to do next-try to stuff a Hispanic in his glove compartment?”
”Louie, if you`ll just listen, he`s saying that if he`s elected, he will make a Hispanic a member of his Cabinet; you know, something like the secretary of the interior or one of those jobs.”
”You sure?”
”Positive.”
”Well, that ought to be a relief to his wife. Wake me up when Koppel comes on.”
