There`s an old adage that a good way to understand another person`s viewpoint is to walk a mile in his shoes. This time it`s ”her” shoes, and a walk that has led Arthur Kunin, 63, and Bill Orr, 53, to new understanding of the feminine side of life.
Once traditional spouses and-ah, yes, ”chauvinistic,” Orr says of himself-Kunin and Orr have become models of spousal support as the husbands of the nation`s only elected female governors, Madeleine Kunin of Vermont and Kay Orr of Nebraska. (Gov. Rose Mofford of Arizona succeeded to that office in 1988 and is not married.)
Though both men are well-established in their own professions-Dr. Arthur Kunin is a kidney specialist and Bill Orr is an insurance executive-they are in unequivocally supporting roles vis-a-vis their wives` careers.
The role reversal provides some amusing moments as well as some telling insights. Bill Orr hasn`t been allowed to forget the widely-circulated photograph of him holding his wife`s purse while she gave an interview on national television. (Friends sent him copies and dubbed him ”the Governor`s bagman.”) And at a White House reception, when former President Reagan shook his hand and called him ”Governor,” Arthur Kunin had to remind the President that it was his wife, not he, who is the governor of Vermont. ”He should have known better,” Kunin says.
The incident was an example of a cultural stereotype that Kunin tries to counter. ”A woman governor is a rare phenomenon,” he says. ”People are used to having the man talk for the woman. The point I want to make is that Madeleine is the governor; she is the important one.”
Both men ride the same tide of emotions that any governor`s spouse does. Madeleine Kunin lost her first race for governor in 1982. ”I was really disappointed,” says Arthur Kunin. ”She had put so much into it. As we got up to the platform (where she was to make her concession speech), her hand was really holding mine tightly, and I could tell her emotion. Then she spoke, and I learned from her about the style and grace with which you make your capitulation speech. It`s really the first speech of the next campaign.”
Kunin had to share in defeat only once; Madeleine Kunin went on to win the next three elections (1984, 1986, 1988), becoming the first woman governor of Vermont and the first woman governor ever elected to three terms. (Vermont is one of the few states whose governors serve two-year terms.)
Like other governors` spouses, Arthur Kunin campaigns whenever his wife is running for office. Public speaking is not a chore for Kunin, who has more than 30 years` experience in lecturing to medical students; he says he actually enjoys it. But the barbs, criticisms and distortions inevitable in any political campaign touch a raw nerve.
”I don`t like these campaigns,” he admits. ”I really have to hold back (when his wife is criticized), because whatever I do reflects on her.”
Kunin recalls that there was only one time when he didn`t restrain himself. It was during his wife`s 1986 re-election campaign, and he was standing in for her at a women`s event. When he lauded Gov. Kunin`s efforts to increase the number of women in government, there were boos from the audience.
”I really got mad,” Kunin says. ”I shook my fists and told the crowd off. My kids were there, and they were cringing. It was a good object lesson for me to keep my mouth shut.”
Both Kunin and Orr have the self-confidence that comes from years of success in their chosen fields, and neither feels his identity has been threatened by his wife`s achievements. The Kunins have four grown children, and Arthur Kunin points out that Madeleine Kunin, though always interested in politics, did not begin her political climb until the youngest was 3. He avows no surprise at her political aspirations and successes.
Bill Orr, however, never had the tiniest hint that he would someday be rallying people behind his wife`s gubernatorial campaign when the two were married in 1957. ”We expected that she would be a housewife and mother, and I would be the breadwinner,” he says.
About 10 years ago, he says, when the couple`s two children were in their late teens and his wife`s political work was becoming more intense, he was faced with a major choice. ”It became obvious that she was destined for a career in politics. I was resisting it at first, but I had to make a decision: Did I support her career in the same way that she supported mine? And the decision was to do that, and gladly.”
Orr decided to take vacation time from his job to participate in his wife`s 1986 campaign for governor of Nebraska. ”It was like a roller-coaster ride,” he says. ”It`s pretty grueling. One day you feel good about everything, and the next day you`re concerned about an issue, a poll, an article in the paper.”
That campaign made history, marking the first time two women had run against each other for governor. Kay Orr`s victory added two more historical firsts: first woman governor of Nebraska and first Republican woman governor of any state. It also added a new dimension to Bill Orr`s life.
”All that publicity,” says Orr, ”has made my name- and face-recognition here in Nebraska almost that of an incumbent governor.” For Orr that`s something of a problem.
”There are people who say, `How are you, Bill?` whom I`m sure I`ve never met before,” he says. ”That`s made it difficult, because I think, `Am I losing my mind?` And then I think, `No, I`ve never met that person before.` ” ”That`s the biggest problem,” he continues, ”the lack of privacy and also the lack of free time. What happens is that when we`re leaving town for anything, it`s in the media. You can`t just go away for a weekend to ski. She went to Hawaii with me for my business, and she may get political heat for that. It`s very hard to get time by ourselves.”
But Orr takes a philosophical attitude toward criticism of his wife.
”She`s taken some tough decisions,” he says, ”and that doesn`t always put her in the best position in the polls. People do criticize her, but that goes with the job. I`ve got a tougher skin than I used to have about criticism.”
First Mate`s Club
His wife`s election meant that Bill Orr began joining Arthur Kunin at the various occasions held for governors` spouses, where they are, of course, the only men. ”We haven`t become an isolated committee of two,” Kunin says,
”but there is a special bond between us.”
Adds Orr, ”Sometimes we`re like two youngsters in the corner of a room;
we have to be shushed by the women.”
Kunin and Orr have to deal with a few dilemmas that their female counterparts don`t. For instance, there`s the problem of what to call them, since ”First Lady” is obviously out.
Arthur Kunin wasn`t content to be either a ”First Gentleman” or a
”First Man,” so he organized a committee of retired English professors to search for a ”proper title.” ”After six months of heavy work,” he reports, ”they came back with a name and a hat. It says, `First Mate.` ”
”First Gentleman” is just fine with Bill Orr; it is, in fact, the title of his new cookbook, ”First Gentleman`s Cookbook.” Once as traditional a husband as they come, Orr became expert in the kitchen out of desperation.
”I was married to a great cook and baker,” he says. ”Then she stopped cooking and baking. My choice was either to take up fast food or learn to cook.”
Orr, who claims that his initial foray into the world of recipes was like trying to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls, is now an accomplished chef.
In addition to his own concoctions, ”First Gentleman” includes recipes and anecdotes from a number of famous men, among them Walter Annenberg, George Bush, Johnny Carson and Ronald Reagan.
A few women also made the list, including his wife-although he can`t remember which recipe she contributed. (The book, published by Jacob North, may be ordered for $12.50 plus $2.50 postage and handling: ”First Gentleman`s Cookbook, The Governor`s Mansion, Lincoln, Neb. 68508; 402-437-4305.)
Orr`s ready sense of humor goes well with his cooking skills, but his book serves a serious purpose, too.
”I was the same as most men,” says Orr, a senior vice president with Woodmen Accident and Life. ”The vast majority of us are intimidated by the kitchen. The premise of my book is to encourage men to get in the kitchen and give it a go. There`s a lot of fun in being able to cook and prepare your own meals.”
Orr is the proof of his pudding, so to speak. He`s now just as much at home on stage in his chef`s apron demonstrating how to prepare ”Governor`s Meatloaf” as he is handling business matters in his office, coincidentally situated directly across from the state capitol-and the office of Gov. Kay Orr.
Bill Orr`s metamorphosis didn`t stop in the kitchen. The proceeds from his cookbook go to a fund to redecorate the governor`s mansion. Orr barely acknowledges that this is quite a step for a former male chauvinist; he`s more intent on countering any possible political fallout, emphasizing that the fund is intended for the next governor`s use, not the present governor`s.
In fact, while spending the profits from a book would pose no problem for most of us, it was the subject of much discussion between Orr and the governor. Pocketing the profits wasn`t even considered. ”We needed a bipartisan cause that was statewide and noncontroversial,” he says.
Frankly discontent with the interior condition of the place he must now call home, Orr thought up the idea of a redecorating fund. ”The exterior of the governor`s mansion-it`s Georgian-looks attractive,” he says, ”but some parts of the inside haven`t been redecorated since it was built in 1957. It`s best described as `early Holiday Inn.` ”
Since it`s not exactly astute politics for a governor to ask the state legislature for redecorating funds for the mansion, no governor has. Thus the fund seemed a good-and politically benign-route to go. Even if Kay Orr runs and wins another term, Bill Orr is firm. ”The intentions are for another governor to use the fund,” he states.
His feminine side
Vermont has no governor`s residence for Arthur Kunin to concern himself with, but, like his Nebraska colleague, Kunin now cooks.
He also pays the bills and maintains the household ”to the extent that I have time to do it.” (Besides being First Mate, Kunin divides his time between teaching duties at the University of Vermont School of Medicine and his private practice.)
Kunin has brought to the fore the feminine qualities that the experts say are part of a man`s makeup but seldom encouraged. He says that each day he calls to find out whether his wife is coming home for dinner. If she`s going to be late, he`ll prepare a meal, eat and leave some for her. He takes care to set the table before she arrives.
”It`s nice to have a table that`s set and ready, that says, `I`m welcome here,` ” he says.
”Home is a place of refuge. A lot of times women serve that role if they understand what marriage is; I support my wife this way.”
Because he sees first-hand the pressures and difficulties of his wife`s demanding career, Kunin tries to be a sounding board for her and also someone she can turn to when the going gets rough.
”I give her an opportunity to release pent-up frustrations,” he says.
”You can`t get mad in public. And sometimes she`ll take things personally that I would not, so I`ll say, `Let it pass.` I`ll listen to her problems and give her another point of view.”
Kunin takes pains to emphasize, however, that he does not seek to influence his wife, only to back her up and support her.
Does he turn to Madeleine Kunin for support, too? A self-sufficient man, Kunin says that he mainly needs support when one of his patients isn`t doing well. ”But I don`t like to take it home,” he adds. ”My wife has enough problems with the state of Vermont.”
Kunin agrees with his Nebraskan counterpart that the most difficult aspects of life with the governor are the lack of privacy and the lack of time. But, of course, along with the responsibilities of being a gubernatorial spouse come the perks.
”I honestly do have the best of both worlds,” Kunin acknowledges.
”I`ve met people you just read about, people you hold in utter respect and awe, like Mario Cuomo and John Kenneth Galbraith, pianist Rudolf Serkin and publisher Katharine Graham. And I get to go places I never would otherwise.”
Kunin particularly enjoyed his first official trip out of the United States when he accompanied the governor earlier this year on a visit to Karelia, Vermont`s sister state in the Soviet Union.
Orr agrees that the best perk is the opportunity to meet ”some really marvelous people.” Though he has not yet traveled abroad on an official trip, he is considering an invitation to promote Nebraska beef in Japan. (The invitation came from someone who read a review of his cookbook.)
Both men sometimes tire of the innumerable receptions and ceremonies they must attend. Such occasions find them at their governors` sides, shaking hands and smiling.
”It puts a lot of pressure on me,” says Orr, ”because I`m expected to do my job no matter what her career is.”
Even the inauguration of President Bush had its nonglamorous moments.
”It`s an impressive time to be there, to see the transfer of power,” he says.
”But it`s a bit tedious from the standpoint of traffic and people, and the schedule is dizzying. As I described it to one person, `It`s not habit-forming.` ”
Though their wives` historic success has caused major transformations in their lives, both Kunin and Orr seem happy to enjoy the extraordinary perks and willing to put up with the hassles.
Both say that they are very proud of their wives. Now, they say, it is a matter of giving back the support their wives gave to their careers early on. ”It didn`t happen in one step, to be liberated the way I am,” Orr says. ”It took a number of years and a lot of small decisions along the way.”
