There was a time when angst was private and personal. Nowadays, it`s downright musical.
From child abuse (Suzanne Vega`s ”Luka”) to homelessness (Tracy Chapman`s ”Talkin` `Bout a Revolution”), it seems that just about any subject can-and does-make the transition from soul pain to ”Soul Train.”
And now a cassette of songs titled ”Against the Wall: Songs of Recovery” addresses a condition that millions of people aren`t even aware of- even though they may have experienced it for a lifetime.
It`s called ”codependence,” and singer-songwriter Lea Jones writes and talks about it from the perspective of someone who has been there-and who is determined not to go back.
A codependent is someone who has developed unhealthy coping mechanisms for maintaining a relationship with an addicted person. Codependent behavior may include apologizing for the addict`s problem, making up stories to cover it up, blaming it on themselves (”If I`d only change, they`d change”), rescuing the addict, and minimizing the problem.
Jones was codependent for 10 years with his wife, an alcoholic from whom he has been divorced less than a year.
When they were married in 1979, they both drank. ”We did that together for a long time. But finally, I couldn`t get into the level that she was using. I couldn`t maintain it, because I was working. It just seemed such dead ambition, just watching TV every day after work and drinking and going to bed sloshed.”
It was that deterioration over time that finally got Jones to thinking about what his role was in the continuation of an unhealthy relationship. And that`s when he discovered that what was happening actually had a name:
codependence.
”I`d been doing the whole enabling thing, calling the boss, apologizing, calling the hospitals, you know, `She can`t make it in, she has the flu. . . . `
”I had started writing these songs, and before she went into treatment, I had started reading a lot-about addiction and codependence. And I saw that what I was experiencing was straight out of the book, and the sense of wanting to make things better was there. And the tune `Integrity` is what came from finally realizing that I was all right, and I didn`t deserve to put myself through this agony the rest of my life.
”Once you get involved as a codependent, you begin to think you deserve it. You begin to tell yourself, `Well, look at all these things you`ve done. This is what is supposed to be happening to you. You don`t deserve any better.` That`s what you begin to think.”
Although the songs on ”Against the Wall” were created out of the unhappiness of his marriage to an alcoholic, several of the cuts could be considered ”generic” odes about starting and ending relationships (”Falling In Love” and ”One Long Goodbye”) and new beginnings of any kind (”We Shall Rise”).
Jones, who jokes about taking 10 years to get his bachelor`s degree, and is working on a master`s degree in special education and behavior disorders at the University of Oregon. The Eugene resident works several days a week with students in an elementary school system in a nearby logging community-work he hopes to continue, even though he aspires to a musical career.
He visited Chicago recently, the first of what he hopes will be several cities where he`ll perform his songs and set up distribution arrangements for the cassette. (It`s available in Chicago at Isis Rising Books and Healing Earth Books.)
He has done voice-over work, jingle-writing and recording for commercials, but has ”strong qualms” about advertising, particularly its propensity to foster addictions.
”I remember, way back, seeing cigarette ads with beautiful women and thinking, `Wow, that`s really something!` And although advertising has gotten more sophisticated, it`s essentially doing the same thing-`I can`t live without this product,` `I can`t live without you.`. . . It`s just addiction. And anything that promotes that is pretty reprehensible.”
Jones continues to drink moderately; his problem isn`t alcoholism, he says, but codependence, which is a more prevalent condition than alcoholism or drug addiction, because there are usually several codependents for every addict.
And he says his ex-wife, who has gone back into treatment, has no resentment about the fact that in promoting the cassette he has discussed their marriage and her problems with alcohol.
”She`s an amazing person behind the addiction problem. Her response is,
`Go for it, get it out there.` ” She has been ”quietly supportive” of his efforts, he says.
The cassette`s last liner note, then, comes as no surprise.
This collection of songs is dedicated to Janet Rae Jones.
