The house is empty.
No, that is not literally true. I am here, but my husband and three children are not. Today I have two at school, and today, for the first time in his memory, I have taken my 2-year-old to a baby sitter.
I have left my children before, but I have always left them at home. Today I am home and they are not.
I feel intoxicated by freedom and possibility. I also feel paralyzed by freedom and possibility.
Like a crazed chicken, I dart from room to room, straightening, picking up, organizing-indulging myself in ways previously possible only during my children`s naps, behind bathroom doors or in my dreams.
I fill the minutes faster than my grocery cart, thinking of new closets to clean, letters to write and errands to run. Unencumbered, I dash to the store and explain myself to no one.
This first day I have saved for myself.
I revel in the silence, the calm and the feeling of being in control. For once, the day will not be a bucking bronco. I will stay in the saddle and get everything done. I will not be thrown by a child.
I know, of course, some parents can take this sensation for granted.
To parents whose children are all age 7 and older, liberation comes almost automatically. They can glory in the knowledge that until 2:30 p.m. on school days their houses can be ”empty.”
I know I am waiting in line for my turn at this-but I cannot hold on for another five years just shuffling my feet.
Understand, I have no wish to hustle away my children`s childhoods. I packed away the baby blankets with regret. But I cheer these moments of emancipation that come my way.
Always before when I have left my children, it has been for a reason. Either they are busy or I have someplace to go.
Finally, I`ve come to realize that giving myself a break is also a reason. My friend got to choose between a cleaning lady and a baby sitter. Her house could use cleaning, but she said it was no contest.
I do not feel guilty making myself a present of time. I believe my youngest is old enough now to understand that when Mommy leaves, she always comes back. We have a lifetime contract.
So I grasp at this Mom`s Day Out, this sanity saver. I have been waiting for this day.
Today is a small thing, I realize-a personal milestone recorded only on my emotional growth chart. No, I have not been held captive behind a Berlin Wall, but on my first day alone I understand liberation.
