The Berghoffs
Herman Berghoff, the Berghoff Restaurant
You never know until your children get older what they`re going to do, but I expected at least one of them would probably get into the business with me. Carlyn started at an early age at Tosi`s, our restaurant in Stevensville, Mich. She showed a lot more interest than Peter showed at that time. She was a bus girl and a waitress and helped out in various ways.
I think I made it plain many times that if they didn`t like the business, they shouldn`t come into it. They were free to do whatever they pleased. We never pushed them. The kids worked in Michigan as much for the money as out of interest. Carlyn became more interested in the catering aspect of this business, and so she has her own catering business, which is associated with the restaurant. I think it was a great way for her to develop her own talents without worrying about stepping on me or my stepping on her. Peter has been more educated in the business field, as I was. Now he`s picking up the creative and the hands-on skills.
I think the fairest thing parents can do is give the young generation room to run and to have achievements and responsibility and success, as well as to have some of the heartaches that go along with it because it takes both to make life real. And I think you have to be honest in your appraisal of how they`re doing.
Carlyn Berghoff, Carlyn Berghoff Catering
I always cooked with my mom. I learned how to tie my first bow on her apron. I went in the catering direction because it gives you a lot more variety. The restaurant is not open on Sundays or holidays, and it has lunch and dinner and that`s it. But in catering it`s 7 days a week, and it`s a lot more creative.
My father leaves me alone. I think when he grew up he wasn`t ever left alone, and it bothered him, so he`s gone the other way with us. The main piece of advice he gives me is to ”cool my jets.” He helps me the most with things like negotiating leases and insurance and technical things.
If you`re going into business with your family, you`d all better like each other a lot. I always say something if I feel anything is wrong, even if I don`t know exactly what it is. That`s real important.
Peter Berghoff, the Berghoff Restaurant
It feels good to be working in a company where I can contribute in a positive way. I`m enjoying it. I haven`t been here that long, but I ignore any comparisons that are made between my dad and me. I try to do my own thing in my own way. I don`t try to imitate anybody, even though I do a lot of the things my dad does when he`s not here.
My father has taught me to treat people the way I want to be treated. I don`t ask anybody to do anything that I haven`t done or wouldn`t do. I try to treat people the way he does, and it works very well.
One thing I would tell someone who`s about to go into business with his family is to get your own apartment. But the most important piece of advice I`d give is to go to work for someone else for a period of time. Learn how the real world ticks. When you walk into your father`s place of business, it`s ”Good morning, sir” from everyone. But when you`re working someplace where your name doesn`t mean a thing, it`s a whole different ball game.
The Gardners
Edward Gardner, CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, Soft Sheen Products Inc.
I think, probably in the back of my mind, I always thought it would be nice to start a business where I would have the opportunity to use the talents of my children in some form. We never pushed them to go into the business, but they started helping with the company as youngsters 3, 4, 5 years old. My wife was there, and they just came right along. They kind of fell right into it.
Gary and I never encounter any problems. . . . We`re so busy we don`t actually spend more than a few minutes together every day. But I have great confidence in his ability to do a good job. He`s very creative, and he works well with people. I hope people would look at Gary and see how qualified he is for the position and never think about whether he`s my son or not.
I would recommend that fathers who want their children to be in business with them should not wait until the children are old enough to be in business. The children should be involved in everything all the way along. . . . A 10- or 12-year-old doesn`t have the life experience behind him, but his mind is sharp. He`ll learn if you give him the opportunity. Don`t do everything for him; let him make a few mistakes along the way too.
Gary Gardner, PRESIDENT, Soft Sheen Products Inc.
I always worked with my father. I worked at the corporate office when I was 10 years old. In Illinois, you have to have three directors in a corporation, so my parents and I, as the oldest child, were on the corporate books.
My dad and my mother developed hair-care products at the kitchen stove for black women. Ultimately he left his job as a school principal to pursue this full time. Being kids, we had no idea the risk he was taking. But we were behind him. And working for the company was like taking out the garbage is for other kids; it was required of us.
I really helped to build this company rather than coming in after it was successful, so I haven`t suffered the pressures of being the boss` son. And in terms of working together, he likes being on the selling side and I like working behind the scenes, so we`re really a complement that way.
I think it`s important for children to grow up quickly in a business and not play out adolescent games. It`s OK to do that in your living room, but the dynamics are very different when you do it in front of employees.
My father is a very fair person and a gentleman. I found it very easy and very necessary to maintain his standards of behavior. I`m going to make sure I remember all the things he told me with my two sons.
The Lambs
Matt Lamb Sr., CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, Blake-Lamb Funeral Homes
We never really encouraged the children to go into business with us. But they were raised above the funeral home at 103rd and Cicero. They worked with my wife and me in all aspects of the funeral business. For instance, we have a custom where we serve dinner to the families and their relatives and friends, and all their lives the children have helped my wife prepare the meals and serve them. So they were really exposed to all the aspects of funeral service. But we didn`t encourage them one way or the other. We were probably the most surprised people when they all decided to come into the business with us.
We`re very pleased to be working with our children. There are a lot of pressures associated with it. But my brother, who is my partner, and I made the decision that only those who are capable would hold a position. We`ve seen a lot of family businesses where people are given positions that they can`t handle or, in many cases, don`t want.
The term ”family business” is a paradox. A family is loving, forgiving, understanding and soft, while a business is cold, hard,
calculating, bottom-line oriented. How do you meld those two? There has to be love, and understanding of what each person is doing. In our business we`re serving people at the worst possible time in their lives, and the only way we can do that is to have an inner peace among ourselves.
I worked in this business with my own father, and I learned that you can never try to make yourself into your parent. You have to be yourself. Other people may try to compare you to your father, but you can`t get swept up in that. My father let me make my own mistakes and helped pick up the pieces, if necessary. Now my children make the decisions about where we`re going to take the business, and I have no problem with that. My daughter OKs my expense account.
Matt Lamb Jr., FUNERAL DIRECTOR
My parents never pushed us into this business. If we wanted it, it was there. If we wanted to go elsewhere, we were welcome to do so. I just more or less followed tradition. And I like to help people, so it was natural for me.
There was a time when I was very involved in music and was asked to tour with a group. This was when I was in college. I considered it seriously until I saw what life would be like living out of a suitcase. So I decided to come home and be a funeral director, and I know I made the right decision.
Rose Lamb, PRESIDENT AND CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER
In high school, I was deciding between special education or funeral service. I decided that I would rather go into funeral service and work with my family and then donate my time to special education later. So I began working when I was 14.
When anyone is as successful as my (family) is, they cast a big shadow and people make comparisons. But we were always taught to be secure in ourselves, to know what our worth is and not to get that from other people but from within. Once the other employees realized that I was determined to work and had the leadership skills, it was smooth sailing from there.
Colleen Lamb, FUNERAL-HOME MANAGER
The first job I had here was washing cars. There are about 45 cars, and they all have to be cleaned every day. I worked in the office. I tarred roofs. I`ve done it all; we all have. I never felt any pressure resulting from the fact that my parents and siblings were already in the business when I started. Everyone was always very supportive. I always knew that I wanted to work in the business, primarily because of my family. I wanted to work with them because we enjoy each other. But one of the great things about it is that we have respect for each other too.
Having my brother and sister come into the business ahead of me probably cushioned a lot for me. It was nice to know that there was someone there to lean on, somebody who had experienced the same things. Somebody you could count on for an honest answer.
Sheila Lamb Gabler, ASSISTANT COUNSELOR TO THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR
I tried being a hair stylist for a year or so, and I found it to be tougher than working with my family, so I came back to the family business. But I never felt pressured to return. I knew I always had their support, no matter what I did. I know my father believes that everyone should do what they feel is right for them. In this business you`re constantly reminded that no one lives forever. While we`re alive, each person should do what makes him happy.
If you`re not happy working in this industry, it`s extremely difficult to be effective, because you`re dealing with people at such a difficult time in their lives. So I`m glad I took the time to be sure.
The Meyers
Ray Meyer, FORMER COACH, De Paul Blue Demons
I didn`t want the boys to be coaches. I thought that they could go out and do much better in the business world. But now that they`re in it, I`m very happy. This has been a very rewarding experience.
I never really taught them how to be coaches or gave them tips. They grew up in a basketball house. Their mother was a basketball player, and I was coaching, so they heard basketball talk from the time they could walk. When Joey was working on his master`s degree, we took him on as a graduate assistant, but that was only to get him through college, and then he stayed on. Joey worked as an assistant for 13 years, but Tom was always on his own, in the high schools and then at Circle (University of Illinois at Chicago) and then back at the high schools. So the situation was not the same.
The first year that Joey was on his own, after I retired, it was a lot easier for me, knowing that someone with the Meyer name was taking over. That made it easier for me to reconcile myself to not coaching anymore.
Tom Meyer, BASKETBALL COACH, Niles West High School
I think you emulate your father if it`s a happy home, and ours was. I`d turn on the TV and see Coach, and he seemed to be having fun with it. Mother was involved with it. All the boys played basketball. So it seemed like a natural step to go into coaching.
It was always a plus to have the Meyer name.
It`s been nice to be a part of my father`s and Joey`s successes. There have never been any comparisons. The only thing that was tough was to play and have my father as my coach. I`d advise anyone against that. If someone on the team makes a comment about the coach, you can`t really be a part of the conversation because they`re talking about your father. I think it`s tough on the father too, because he`s supposed to look at me as just another player, and I know, looking at my own son, there`s no way to do that. So I know it was difficult for him.
I coached Joey for a while too, when he was playing for De Paul, and my mom would be sure to tell me if she didn`t think I was treating him fairly.
Joey Meyer, COACH, De Paul Blue Demons
Nobody ever pushed me into coaching, even though my older brother and father were in it. I was working in coaching just to help me get my graduate degree, and I discovered that I enjoyed what I was doing. I had a great situation because I was the head coach of the freshman team but I was also working with the varsity team. So I was learning and also getting my feet wet the hard way-by just jumping in. I ended up getting my degree later on, but by that time I was hooked on coaching.
Like most assistants, I thought I had all the answers when I first started. You learn the hard way; my first couple years were real tough. There were a lot of times when I thought I`d be smarter to go to another situation. They were my dad`s players. Everyone was comparing what I was doing to what he`d done. He`d had tremendous success, and we weren`t winning quite as many games as he had won. It seemed like the aura of Ray Meyer was going to be there forever. Then in my third year we had a real good year. There`s always going to be that comparison, but I think I can deal with it better now.
