Britain`s Queen Elizabeth II is touring the United States this month. Here, from a commoner`s-eye view, is what the Washington leg of her visit looked like last week:
Queens` visits to America are momentous events that have occurred only in 1951, 1957, 1959, 1976, 1983, 1984, 1986 and 1989. British Embassy has established briefing room for correspondents covering royal visit in basement of Sheraton-Carlton Hotel, next to restrooms. Day before queen`s arrival, briefing room is jammed with sweating newsies, anxious for momentous details. Royal press secretary Charles Anson takes floor, warning that absolutely everything said in the room must be off the record. He then discloses that queen feels that a strong bond of friendship exists between the U.S. and Britain.
Upstairs, Sheraton-Carlton staff is preparing for visit, too. Milton Pitts, personal barber to President Bush, is giving special royal-visit haircuts and manicures to every waiter and waitress who will be attending to British officials during queen`s stay.
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It is now the momentous morning of queen`s actual arrival-by Concorde, landing at Andrews Air Force Base, then zipping by motorcade to White House South Lawn for elaborate welcoming ceremonies. Hordes of VIPs are ushered into roped-off sections of grass resembling cattle pens. Noisiest is press pen, which for some reason has been located just behind Bush family pen. Bush daughter Doro arrives wearing badly wrinkled royal-purple suit. She ignores remark of irreverent photographer behind her who, noting extreme humidity, says, ”I hope they brought her (the queen) an extra set of underwear.”
Doro`s brother, George W. Bush, part-owner of Texas Rangers baseball team, arrives with wife Laura. He complains about mediocre performance of ballclub, also about heat. Takes off suit jacket in proper Texas fashion.
Fluttering about lawn ushering highest-ranking VIPs about is Chief of Protocol Joseph Reed, who does not remove jacket of his Saville Row suit. Reed is very conscious of his image; recently hired a high-powered Washington PR firm to announce to world news media that he was awarded Republic of Niger`s Commandeur de l`Ordre de Merite du Niger medal. News release calls Reed ”a patrician born of privilege and wealth.” Reed has been preparing for royal visit for months. Nothing must go wrong.
Four army howitzers begin firing 21-gun salute, sending enormous flocks of frightened birds into air all over Mall. President Bush and queen emerge from between pens. Queen is wearing purple suit and wide-brimmed straw hat that looks as if it might have been borrowed from suffragette museum.
Bush and queen review battalion-size color guard of sweat-soaked troops representing each branch of service, then ascend speaker`s platform set up on lawn. Fife and drum corps wearing Revolutionary War uniforms march out and begin playing selections from 18th Century. Since they are wearing red and white uniforms, no one can tell which side of conflict they represent.
Bush steps to podium for opening remarks. Then he steps back and-something goes wrong! The queen, only 5 foot 4 in sensible shoes, comes to podium and completely disappears, with only her suffragette hat visible above microphones. There is laughter. British press is aghast.
Bushes and royal party go into White House for lunch. George W. Bush puts jacket back on.
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To paraphrase the song, only mad dogs and Englishwomen go out in the noonday sun. A large crowd of tourists, three- and four-star generals, security agents and newsies have gathered around Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery to wait for queen to come and lay wreath. It is so hot in broiling sun that stiff-backed tomb sentry keeps going into corner of sentry box to discreetly wipe away unseemly perspiration. Queen, everyone has been informed, is never late-but convivial Bushes have kept her chattering away at table for so long that she arrives a shocking 32 minutes overdue.
By then broiling sun has become obscured by threatening gray cloud. As queen walks from motorcade, her 40-member retinue stretching out behind her, another 21-gun salute commences. The sixth or seventh cannon shot segues into roiling roll of thunder. Heavens open with enormous downpour. Aide hands queen umbrella, which onlookers gasp to note she then carries herself.
Queen ascends steps to tomb between phalanxes of stiff-and drenched-military, helps move wreath about five feet toward sepulcre, then, after taps is played, moves on. L`Ordre de Merite du Niger winner Reed walks beside her, then, realizing breach of protocol, falls back several paces.
Broiling sun returns as queen reaches stretch limo. Once she`s inside, members of retinue dash for their cars. They include a lord chamberlain, two ladies-in-waiting, an equerry-in-waiting and bodyguards said to be in disguises.
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Bushes hold gala state dinner for queen and her party, tickets to which would probably command $500,000 on scalpers` market. At previous state dinners, convivial Bushes have allowed lax dress code that has seen actress Teri Garr arrive in a micro-miniskirt and Melanie Griffith show up in a micro- mini with an even mini-er top. This night, women are in full-blown ball gowns. Jessica Catto, wife of former U.S. Ambassador to Britain Henry Catto, arrives in full-blown ball gown with extremely airy Melanie Griffith top.
Male dinner guests arrive with elaborate decorations all over tuxedo fronts-unlike World War II hero Bush, who wears only small lapel pin. James Wolfenson, chairman of the Kennedy Center, wears the Order of Australia. Douglas Fairbanks Jr. wears World War II honor given him by King George VI. Environmental Protection Agency Director William Reilly sports elaborate medallion he explains is the Dutch ”Honor of the Golden Ark.” Newsie thinks for a minute he said, ”Honor of the Golden Arch.”
After entertainment, young female Army captain, assigned to White House as social aide, drops her program. Gallant but portly gentleman, with some effort, bends down and retrieves it for her. He is four-star Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf.
At 1976 state dinner, queen was serenaded with tune ”Muskrat Love” and made to dance with President Ford while band played ”The Lady Is a Tramp.”
At Bush state dinner, she flees White House before Marine dance band barely has chance to squeak up a note.
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It is Gaffe Day. British press in London is full of outrage over failure of White House to provide something for queen to stand on at arrival ceremony. Headlines complain she looked like ”a talking hat,” also ”a talking mushroom.”
Journeying to disadvantaged neighborhood in Washington`s Anacostia section with First Lady Barbara Bush, queen is astonished to find herself hugged by a great-grandmother in welcoming party. Only the Prince Philip, as he is officially called, gets to hug queen, and only during private audiences. Mrs. Bush ends awkward moment by rushing up to give great-grandmother a hug.
At Quantico Marine Base, Prince Philip is wearing khaki British Army field marshal`s uniform, talking to mere American major about desert warfare. Marine Corps Commandant and four-star Gen. Alfred Gray calls out for mere major, who abruptly bounds off, leaving the prince/field marshal talking to thin air. Prince laughs.
Embassy spokesman says gaffes are just fine, since royal couple expects everyone to ”behave normally” in their presence.
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Grand event of Gaffe Day is gala garden party on British Embassy lawn thrown by queen for 1,500 select Americans. Affair is straight out of ”Jewel in the Crown,” with male VIPs going about like swells and toffs in terribly well-tailored suits and ladies decked out in hats, flowery dresses, white gloves and dressy shoes (heels sinking into earth). Everything is very la-di- da, until queen appears, surrounded by bodyguard of linebacker-size British naval officers.
Rev. Jesse Jackson, there as a District of Columbia ”shadow senator,”
later claims he met both queen and British Ambassador Antony Acland, though encounter is best described as near miss. Former Sen. Charles Percy wiggles forward until head is sticking between shoulders of two naval officers. He smiles and nods to passing queen like old friend. Queen walks on by him, but stops before broadcast mogul Ted Turner (the sun never sets on CNN) and his good friend Jane Fonda. Queen and Ted talk about CNN. Jane, to amazement of many onlookers, has absolutely nothing to say.
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Queen goes with convivial Bushes to Baltimore Orioles-Oakland A`s baseball game. Leaves after two innings. When it`s later suggested to embassy aide that she missed all the excitement, he replies, ”Not at all. The score when she left was one, nil.”
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Queen goes to Folger Shakespeare Library, examines letters written by royal predecessors, such as James II`s missive ordering the imprisonment of son William. She alternates between her two royal expressions: a bemused, neutral, interested look and a tentative smile.
She moves on to Folger Shakespeare Theater, where she watches elementary school children perform ”The Taming of the Shrew” accompanied by rock music (”Shake it up bay-beee … ”). Then she is moved on stage and made to sit in a throne while real grownup actors perform the awakening-from-madness scene from King Lear around her.
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At George Washington`s home of Mt. Vernon, several garden party-hatted Mt. Vernon Ladies Association ladies are arrayed before Washington`s tomb, waiting for queen to lay wreath. Irreverent photographers banter with them, one asking how to join Mt. Vernon Ladies Association. Mrs. Mabel Bishop, in huge pink hat, replies: ”You don`t join. You must be invited!”
After wreath laying, royal couple descends to shore of Potomac and Mt. Vernon wharf, where they join ceremony commemorating repairs to wharf. Then they climb aboard huge, gleaming white motor yacht-officially listed in government budget books as ”Chief of Naval Operations` barge”-for upriver boat ride back to Washington. She is to depart for Florida in morning.
Her motorcade must get back to Washington before boat departs. With sirens screaming, long procession roars up George Washington Parkway, passing through Alexandria. Throngs of Alexandrians crowd sidewalk and wave, not realizing queen`s stretch limo is queenless. Newsie who has followed royal visit from the beginning wonders if it really makes that much difference.
