Dear Miss Manners-I was born interested in everything and everybody. It is fun to learn about whatever there is.
As a result, I`ve had a very busy and full life, and still have a list of things I want to do. Problem-I come across as boring, nosy and too proud of myself.
Not true-I just present myself as is. I do know and can do a lot of things. Should I just play dumb and uninterested?
Gentle Reader-Wait just a minute here. It is extremely rare to be considered boring and nosy at the same time: One keeps poking into other people`s business or talking non-stop about one`s own. Which is it?
Miss Manners suggests that you avoid both. A charming person is, indeed, one who is ”interested in everything and everybody,” without violating the bounds of privacy. But your coming across as ”conceited” suggests that you are perhaps emphasizing your knowledge, rather than furthering it, which does not serve your stated purpose of learning, any more than it charms others.
Dear Miss Manners-My husband and I live in a modest, older home. Whenever one of his sisters comes to visit, she freely criticizes our home, comparing it with her new, lavish residence in another part of town.
On her last visit, she said: ”This is such a little house. It`s hard to believe people actually live in such tiny homes.”
I was so stunned by her remark that I could not think of a reply. I couldn`t decide if she was just ignorant or if she was deliberately trying to hurt me.
Whatever her intent, I was hurt and angry. What could I have said to educate her and perhaps prevent such comments in the future?
Gentle Reader-Miss Manners recommends not wasting time on imagining a motive for such awful remarks. Rather, she would suggest that you produce a sweetly pitying smile and such kindly words as: ”Yet little houses can be full of happiness, as ours is. Perhaps that`s why we have never found it hard to believe that people would want to visit us in our little house.”
Judith Martin is author of ”Miss Manners` Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium” (Pharos Books, $24.95).
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Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in blue or black ink)to Miss Manners, in care of the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
