No matter which partner initiates a divorce or breakup, you are sure to feel a certain amount of depression following the split. Martin Ford, a developmental psychologist at Stanford University, and Sandra Kahn, a Chicago psychotherapist and author of ”The Ex-Wife Syndrome” (Random House, $18.95), recommend the following to shake off the breakup blues:
– Monitor your depression. If you are feeling suicidal or otherwise unable to cope, get professional help immediately.
– Don`t keep everything bottled up inside. Talk to sympathetic friends and relatives about what you are feeling. Do not include your ex in this group. This will only open up old wounds and continue your dependence on him or her. If you don`t have anyone you trust or if your depression is too deep for a consoling shoulder to handle, find a reputable therapist or a support group for divorced men or women.
– Learn the skills necessary for you to function as a single. Go back to school, if you must, to learn how to handle your finances, house, car, etc.
– Demand your right to privacy. End your ex`s free access to your home and the details of your life.
– Learn to recognize and eliminate typical ”ex” fantasies. Such as:
”He`s only having a midlife crisis. He`ll be back.” ”She still loves me.” Or: ”I`m incomplete without him.”
– Force yourself to become socially active. However difficult or unappealing it may seem, make yourself go out and be with other people. Join a club, go on a vacation, start playing a sport, do volunteer work. When you have many things going on in your life, it`s harder to keep up the single-minded focus needed to perpetuate a depression.
– Exercise regularly. Research shows that exercise produces chemicals that actually combat depression.
– Avoid sugars, caffeine and other carbohydrates. All of these can chemically induce mood swings.
– Strictly limit alcohol and avoid drugs. Alcohol is a depressant and drugs will only distort a reality you have to face.
